*That look

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You can seduce a man without taking anything off, without even touching him.

Rae Dawn Chong

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There is something special about that look.   Some call it the "Come-hither look".  It is not the coy flirting glance across the room or the laugh that lasts a moment to long.  It is a look that is directed to you and only you.

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I don't use my body to seduce, no. I just stand there.Ursula Andress

I think of it as the boundary moment when the moment is now and now is the time to move, to act.  In my young days, I was bad at reading that moment, that look, that signal.  I think learning what that look means and then knowing what to do next is one of those things that separates the boys from the men.

  

*Originally published in my former blog, shadowsexposed.com 

I objectify women.

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Over at my partner blog Shadowsexposed, I just posted the beginning of a series of posts on my own journey and personal sense on how I objectify women (IOW). 

I objectify women through my thoughts, beliefs, and art as well.  Just by tripping the shutter and capturing the image of a woman on film or a sensor, I transfer a real human (not just women) into a 1/250th of a second capture of her and convert her to an object.  

This transfer is similar to what painters, sculptors, poets, and other creative types have done for centuries.  They take a full human and convert them to some sort of partial object, a mere small representation of a fiction or reality of that person. - excerpt from IOW at shadowsexposed.com

Over this series, Miz B and I are going to explore objectification.  For me, it will be about my work, my struggles, and how I am evolving and accepting what I do.  For Miz B, she will write about being both behind the camera as objectifier and in front of it as the objectified.

I have one favor, please go over there and read this, and the following posts in the series, and comment.  You can comment anonymously if you like.  The important thing though is to share your thoughts, experiences, and comments about it.  We don't mind a bit of debate, even if it gets heated.  You can disagree with us as well.  The key part is to raise the issues and help broaden the discussion.  If you don't feel comfortable commenting there,  comment here.

PS - Thanks to D.L. for commenting both there and here.  We greatly appreciate it.  

Skyfall

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Over three weeks ago I wrote about my growing up with James Bond.  I am only seven years younger than him and to the extent that movies can influence how I view myself in relationship to the world, Mr. Bond was a big part of it.

I now want to write on the recent Bond offering, Skyfall.  I went and saw it alone on opening night and again a few weeks later with my wife.  In it, I noticed four key themes and observations.  Below are my thoughts on each.  Warning - tons of spoiler alerts.  Don't read if you don't want to know.

Bond is aging.  Daniel Craig took up the role in his mid-thirties and is now in his mid-forties.  I feel that Bond is living a parallel age to both Craig and me.  Mr. Bond is still probably in the top 1% of fitness for men his age (and any age) and looks amazing, but all the wounds, bumps, bruises, drugs, alcohol, travelling, stress and age are catching up.  He has to contend with loss of martial mastery, a young quartermaster who thinks he is barely of use, and his own cynicism taking hold of him.

As a man his age and only a small part as fit and adventurous, I feel those wheels grinding too.  I can still do many things I did at half my age, but I will be sore for a long time after.  I know that in the not-so-distant future, I am going to not be able to do those things to the same level or degree.  James was feeling that too.

In Craig's first Bond movie, Casino Royale, he used brute force to get his way through physical trials.  M even called him, "... a blunt weapon."  In this movie, he had to learn that his physical prowess is starting to fade and he has to fight smarter, not stronger.

On a side note, this was the first Bond movie where I saw him shot.  He was shot twice in the first part.

Bond can not love anymore, except for his "Mum".  In Casino Royale, James loved and lost Vesper  after she betrayed him and died.  He spent a good part of Quantum of Solace avenging her death.  In this movie, after he has been shot by a fellow agent and left for dead, he goes into a drug-and-alcohol induced cocoon.  It feels like he can not love anymore until the headquarters of MI6 is destroyed, many of his fellow agents die, and M is endangered.  He slips into her apartment drunk to announce his return.

Both the Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig Bonds had the same M, played by Judy Dench.  In the Craig versions, you could feel their complex maternal/child relationship unfold slowly.  She is about the only woman... the only person he loves.  As with Javier Bardem's brilliantly acted villain  Silva, the relationship with M is complicated and not all beautiful.

I first noticed in Casino Royale, and every Craig Bond movie since, all of M's subordinates call her "ma'am", but with the British accent it sounds like "Mum".  She is the tough-love mother that all her people respect, fear, and are very loyal to.  She is the tough mother that knew she may have to sacrifice one of her boys (James) in the beginning by telling the agent with the sniper rifle to take the obstructed shot at the bad guy.  The shot missed the baddie and hit James leading to his above mentioned disappearance.

It is this same relationship that caused Silva, a former agent of M's, to seek revenge.  He was her favorite until he went outside of boundaries and she left him for the Chinese to torture.  Her betrayal of him served almost like a foreshadow for Bond that while she will have his back, if he steps out of line, he will be dealt with.

Bond lost both of his parents when he was young.  M became his Mum, for better and for worse.  When she died in his arms at the end, his tears were for real as he lost another mother.

Bond finally gets a new villain!  In almost every prior Bond, his arch enemy has fallen into two main categories; Dominators or Countries.

The first is the genius villain striving for some type of world dominance, whether with money, resources, or land, he will go to no end to dominate the world.  This is the cliche villain that often has a huge secret base with hundreds of soldiers and scientists working on the plan to rule the world.  He is usually very brilliant, but stupidly sets up some overly-produced death for Bond and leaves before seeing Bond die(why he never thought to just personally shoot Bond himself always confused me).  Bond escapes, grabs the girl, blows up the secret base, kills the baddie and has a post-battle coital reward with said girl.  It is no wonder that Mike Myers channeled this villain so well as Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers movies.

The second is a country/state trying to steal secrets or weapons that will let them hold world power.  There have only been a few of these movies, including For Your Eyes Only (my favorite Roger Moore movie).

In Skyfall, Bond gets a brand new villain with Bardem's Sylva.  As mentioned above, Sylva was one of M's favorites in the 90's, but was left to the Chinese as part of handover of Hong Kong.  While he does create a powerful terror/financial empire.  It is on a tiny deserted island.  It is mainly one big super computer.  He doesn't have a massive army or a bunch of scientists.

Sylva's main motivation is to deeply hurt M by setting the explosion destroying the MI6 headquarters, releasing the names of undercover agents around the world, and eventually hunting her down.  He outright calls her Mommy.  His motivation is deeply personal.  I wonder how his character would have moved on if he had been successful.

I appreciate his complexity.  He respects Bond and feels a kinship to him.  He hates, yet cares for  M when he sees she has been wounded.  He wants her to kill both herself and him at the same time to end the pain.  In ways, he is a more effective agent than Bond because he better  knows his limitations and plans around them and also has far fewer scruples.

During Sylva and Bond's great meet up scene, you learn more about both characters back story, history, feelings through some of the best character development written in a scene lasting less than 10 minutes. This included the great firework...

...Bond is bisexual.  In one very homoerotic scene, Sylva gently caresses and admires Bond's shoulder, chest, and collarbone.  He is caressing Bond as a lover.  There is the sense he is messing with Bond to fluster him and confuse him.  Even though he may be playing mental tricks on James, I feel Sylva was attracted to him for both his great physique, but also their shared life stories.  As he caressed the inside of Bond's thighs, James utters one of the best statements ever in a Bond movie, "you assume this is my first time."  (I am only paraphrasing since I can't remember the exact words).

For many years, I (and many others) have wondered if Bond has every seduced men as an agent, or even for his own pleasures.  From his response to Sylva I get the feeling both are true.

Other stuff - The movie itself had some major reoccurring themes and aesthetics.  They include how it was filmed and nods to Bonds passed.

Blue eyes, blue shirt, golden grass, and an ill-fated Aston Marton DB5 - Movie Still from Skyfall

Colors - The director, Sam Mendes, also directed American Beauty and Road to Perdition.  Both are beautifully filmed.  In Skyfall, he used color palettes and selected imagery and icons to enhance the story.  I first noticed colors.  In most scenes, there were two dominant colors - either or both blue and gold.  The blue matches Craig's eyes.  You see both Ralph Fiennes and Bond wear blue suits or grey suits with strong blue shirts and ties.  In the assassination bit in the Shanghai high rise,  there is even a scene where Bond enters a hallway with shifting mood lights between alternating blue and gold.  The bar in the Macau casino is a warm gold, as is M's apartment.  The inside of Skyfall is a cold blue, much like Bond's eyes.   After Skyfall explodes and M and the caretaker, Kincaid (played by the great Albert Finney), escape up the hill, the hills are golden in the light of the fire as they run to the old church.  There are many other examples of gold and blue in the movie, but I think you get my point.  These two primary colors are as vital as red was in American Beauty.  Watch the official trailer below to see many of the uses of blue and gold in the movie.

Nods to Bond History- 2012 marked the 50th birthday of Bond movies.  In an homage, this movie had many little bits that referenced many of the older movies, but with new twists.  This is a list off of the of my head and is not all inclusive.  Please share more you observed in the comments section.

Bond shags three women in almost every movie - There is a brunette beauty he is with during his time-out phase after his "death".  We can assume that he and the agent who shot him and turns out to be Ms. Moneypenny was number two.  His last conquest is Sylva's temptress Sévérine.  As a twist though, he doesn't end the movie in bed with any one of them.

Motorcycle chase through a bazar and the obligatory crashes through fruit stands and an amazing jump.-  The twist in this cliche is that instead of jumping the motorcycle onto the train, he crashes it head first into the bridge rail to flip him uncontrolled onto the train.   

No Aston Martin goes unharmed.  Ever since the infamous DB5 appeared in Sean Connery's Goldfinger and Thunderball, Bond crashed many Aston Martins as well as they were, blown up, rolled, wrecked, tortured, and destroyed.  Each Aston Martin is tricked out with weapons and protective equipment. I love Aston Martins and cringe watching their many deaths in these movies.  Another one is destroyed in Skyfall.  The twist starts in the appearance of the vintage DB5 with all of the Goldfinger original kit, including machine guns and ejection seat.  The big twist though is that it is the simplicity and age of the old DB5 that is needed.  It can't be tracked electronically.  It is too old and out of sync with the new world, much like the aging Bond as mentioned above.

The return of Q.  I never knew "Q" stood for "Quartermaster".  Q is the master of weapons and gadgets.  There are two twists in this version though - Q is a youthful computer geek/genius that has little respect for Bond and his old, brutish ways.  The only fancy tech he gives Bond is a Walther that will only let Bond shoot it due to a palm print lock and a radio transmitter that broadcasts his location.  As Q says leaving the museum, "Were you expecting an exploding pen?  We don't do those anymore."  Another poke at Bond's age.

A few more things - the women's perspective.  I've talked about this movie with a number of women and below are some of what they shared.

Liked/loved - Bond swimming in the pool in Shanghai.  Bond in a suit.  Bond doing chin ups.  Those weren't shockers, but all of them felt thrilled when the old DB5 appeared.  I tried arguing for how beautiful the new Aston Martin DBS that appeared in the last two movies is.  They just smiled and continued their appreciation for the old car.  One other thing they appreciated was his relationship with M.  It added depth.  One female viewer though felt tired with the continued cliche that it always takes a male (Bond) to save the day.  One last comment from a female - she loved Adele's singing of the theme song, but wondered if the late April Winehouse's voice would have had the grittier edge that matched the movie.

Final thoughts.  It is obvious I loved this movie.  I wouldn't have written all this fanboy stuff about it otherwise.  Look at the list of great actors, Dench, Fiennes, Bardem, Finney, and Craig.  Throw in some of the best dialog, character development, and action of any Bond movie, and add that most of the movie takes place in Great Britain.  This modern noir movie is my favorite Bond movie staring my favorite Bond.  My only hesitation is that I worry about how the next movie will do after the greatness of this one.  

"Skyfall" and a life in Bond-age. - Part 1

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I just read a friend's posted review of the newest installment in the James Bond series, Skyfall.   After finishing her well written critique, I wanted to share my own.  It is based on my own Bond history and how I feel about this movie.

I am forty-three years old.  The James Bond movie franchise is fifty.  There have always been Bond movies around me.  I grew up with James as my fantasy uncle that I could live vicarious adventures through.  I love the Bond movies.  I love what he stands for and is.  He is the alter ego I wish I had.

My mom is a huge Bond fan and while raising me, she made sure I was as well.  I can't remember my first Bond movie, but I think it was one of Sean Connery's movies.    My mom has a big crush on that guy, much like her crush on Leonard Bernstein.  I know she enjoyed them both for more than their artistic talents.

My first Bond movies were all from watching TV.  The ABC network would play them on a Sunday night and they would go 2.5 hours instead of the usual 2 that most movies would get.  I had to get special dispensation from mom to stay up to 10:30 to see them.  I watched them for the fantastic action, the exotic scenery, and to try and follow the story.

As I got old enough to watch the movies in the theater with my mom and brother, I saw them on the big screen.  Even though Moonraker was my first in-theater Bond movie, the first one I remember and noticed something new was For Your Eyes Only.  I noticed the women.

Almost every Bond movie has two important bits with women.  The first is the opening title and theme song section where the women are usually naked and silhouetted.  It was the first time I remember seeing a naked woman, or at the negative black field of her, on film.  Seeing that may have been one of the little bits of my sexual experiences that made me appreciate the beauty of women in their natural state.  The second were the Bond women themselves and their silly names.  By my mid-teens, I was rolling my eyes at their horrible character names such as Pussy Galore and Octopussy.



During my young years, Roger Moore was my favorite Bond.  I liked his casual and slightly snarky approach to the character.  As I got older, I went back to liking Connery since he was more of a macho Bond.  In college I watched the subtler Timothy Dalton's Bonds and felt the franchise had gone into a slump.  It wasn't him, it was the stories and over-the-top lines and action sequences.  I had to ask if Wayne Newton should have ever been in a Bond movie (License to Kill).

By the time Piece Brosnan took up the helm, I only watched the Bond movies by renting them on VHS.  He was good, but each story felt like a retread.  Brosnan's Bond was a unique mixture of Moore's snarkiness and a darker side that included hints at James' alcoholism.  While he did well, I lost track and missed the last two or three of his performances.

In 2006*, Daniel Craig took on the Bond role in Casino Royale.  According to a recent Vanity Fair article about him and the role, Brosnan gave him a bit of advice, "Don't fuck it up."  Craig said he learned what that meant after his first movie came out and suddenly felt not only the weight of the role, but also the weight of the whole Bond universe was on him.

Bond's transgressive coming out of the water.

Vesper Lynd from Casino Royale still.

Casino Royale was the first Bond movie I went to see in a theater in over a decade.  I really wanted to see it for many reasons all of which concerned the new Bond, Daniel Craig.  First, he is barely a year older than me.  he is the first Bond my age.  That is important to me.  I feel connected to him because of that.  We were both in our upper 30's when that movie came out.   Second, he is the first blond Bond.  I am a blond too. 

In that movie he broke so many Bond rules.  First, he didn't have the sex with the usual three women in it.  Second, he drove a Ford Focus as his first car.  Third, instead of having a beauty like Ursula Andress or Halle Berry come out the water dripping wet in a swim suit, he came out buff and hot as ever.  I think even every straight man had to feel his privates twitch at that scene.  He represented masculinity and its raw beauty in that magic moment.  Fourth, he was rough.  In the famous parkour scene where he is chasing a villain through a building site, the baddy vaults over a half wall, Bond runs through it.  As M says in that movie to him, "You are a blunt weapon".  Fuck subtlety.  Sometimes you have to break through to the other side.   Fifth, Bond fell in love.  Vesper (which inspired the invention of a great and butt-kicking drink) was played by the unbelievable beautiful Eva Green who becomes his love and his heartbreak loss as well.  Her loss hardened his heart.  You could feel this happen with him and understood why he went cold to love and emotion after that.  This movie soon became my favorite Bond movie staring my favorite Bond movie.

A few years later, Craig's second Bond movie came out, Quantum of Solace.  It sucked for so many reasons I wont go into.  I was worried for the franchise after seeing it.  The only saving bit was Jack White and Alicia Key's them song, Another Way to Die.

In my next post, I will finally write about Skyfall. 

*I always wondered why they didn't wait to release the movie in 2007... as in 007 in 2007!

Sex and death

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Memento mori is a Latin phrase translated as "Remember your mortality", "Remember you must die" or "Remember you will die". It refers to a genre of artworks that vary widely but which all share the same purpose: to remind people of their mortality, an artistic theme dating back to antiquity. - Wikipedia

Maybe it is watching the dead leaves fall from the trees.  I am feeling the connections between life and death more and more.  I've written about the connection between sex and the universe, spirituality, and connection to the greater.  I also wrote briefly about the French term for orgasm, le petit mort, "the little death" or the "...spiritual release that comes with orgasm or to a short period of melancholy or transcendence as a result of the expenditure of the 'life force'" (Wikipedia, again)

I am now going to write about the connection I feel between sex and death.  It isn't that sex can kill or lead to death for me,  but more of an overall acceptance of both in my life.  Sex is a part of me as much as my heart, my eyes, my penis, and my soul.  It is part of me and I am part of it.  For me, sex is life and life is sex, but also a cousin to death. 

While some may argue that the opposite of life is death, death comes only from a life ending.  Life has no real meaning if we don't face death.  Sex is part of it all.  Sex creates life.  Life leads to death.  The circle seems a perverse threesome. 

Death is just a tad bit younger than life and it is one of the oldest organic conditions in our existence. Maybe by connecting sex to creating new life, the opposite of death, the orgasm gives us a taste of both in the blissful moment.- me

Sex makes me feel more alive than ever, especially during it.  Afterward though, during the post-glow quietness, I feel closer to my mortality.  It is an acceptance and a reminder that I am a little closer to it, at least one orgasm closer.  It is not a morose feeling, just an acknowledgement and acceptance of it being in my future.  Maybe that is why I feel closer to the universe during and after sex.  A small part of sex plays a role in the painting of my life.  It is the little skull in the corner acting as my momento mori.  It is me feeling alive and in some small way dieing just a little bit inside me.

Our American City - New York

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If you read my stuff, you know I love, am in love with, and have an infatuation with New York City.  I've walked the streets, ate the food, photographed the place, and always feel a longing to return.  I can't claim I know it or am from there though although I feel myself desiring it again.

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When the news kept coming back about Sandy's devastation to it, I instantly felt my heart sink.  I was there almost exactly a year ago and enjoyed the brisk November weather.  Now, I worried about all the people I know there.  Some had damage, some are cold and in the dark, but all are holding up.   I emailed Valya and she said her power was out, but she and her family were OK out in Brooklyn.

New York has a resilience that is unique to itself.  It can take one right on the chin, get up, tell the hurricane to, "go fuck itself", and then eventually go back to being New York.

New York - once you get back up again, I will be back.  I love you.

The price of branding and exposure.

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I am in a conundrum.  To become a better artist and to try to make a living from it I have to promote myself more. I appreciate and understand that, but where is the balance?  How much of this exposure is about my product or about my own personal brand?  What is the price of branding and exposure?

A friend gave us an beautiful original platinum print a few years ago of a young Mexican woman standing by a fountain in a plaza.  That is a definite description of the product and could mean the print is worth a few dollars or a few thousand.  With just this description though, I would only pay the lower end of the spectrum.

A friend gave us a beautiful original Edward Weston platinum print of Frida Kahlo.  Just that sentence alone increased the photo's value substantially.  It has two very powerful names with Edward Weston as the photographer and Frida Kahlo as the subject.  It bears both their brands.

When building a personal brand, the creator's personality, accomplishments, failures, challenges, likes and dislikes, and creations are built into the brand.   Think about Edward Weston's brand - black and white modern photographer and pioneer of the art, fine-art nude photographer pioneer, lived in the US and Mexico, often took photos of his lovers or had intimate relationships with his models, part of the California photography movement, co-founder of the Group f/64, and so on.  He was temperamental, had estranged children, and other personal challenges.  All of this has become part of his legend and his brand and helps ensure his art continues to hold or gain value.

Out of all the prints I've sold, I've never heard anyone say, "I own a Sutphin photo."  I would probably hear, "I have a great photo of horses and windmills that I bought from this guy in California."  Only people that know me personally and know my work have a chance of looking at a photo of mine and being able to identify it by style, content, etc., that it is one of mine.  Most others just see the content.   My branding is weak in two ways, no one recognizes my name to my art and no one can look at my art and identify it as mine. 

Rocky Mountain Front near Heart Butte, Blackfoot Indian Reservation, Montana - 092612

The answer appears very simple - get my work and name out there.  Promote, promote, promote.  The cost of it though is what do I associate with my name?   I see I can have at least two very different categories of clients, starting with portraits and erotic fine-art photography.  I doubt my clients for either group really care of or for the other type of work I do.  Do I hide one (probably the nudes) to grow my other brand and business?  Am I ready for my personal history, warts and all, to become part of my brand?  Is my history exciting enough to add to my brand?  I think about this because as someone's notoriety grows, so does his/her exposure and discovery of personal history.  Both my friends/clients and my competition are going to want to know about me if my art star rises.  How will this information of my work and life affect those around me?

It is sad that we can't embrace sexuality, sensuality, and eroticism as an open art form without worrying about fall out from it.  I greatly lament this, but it is the reality and I must figure out my niche and how I can exploit it.  It's easy for me to think I wont worry about what others think of me, but if I want to grow my brand, I need to be concerned about it's value and appearance as well.  As much as I am growing into accepting who I am and trying not to worry what others think, that nagging worry will always be there. 

The mirror of memory.

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I looked back in the mirror of memory
for a guide to which lanes are still open
to merge, swerve, and pass in.

The mirror showed me this lane was closed
due to too much time and too little use.
The mirror also showed me that lane was empty
but would take me down a precarious exit.

I looked forward again, through the windshield
of nearing destinations and arrivals,
nudged on the turn signal
and didn't bother to check my blind spot
for those dangers I can't let myself see.

What do you care?

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What do you care about me?  What do you think about me?  These questions are the basis for many of my behaviors and how I interact with others.  What I chose to let out of my mind and share with others is greatly regulated by my concerns of how I am perceived by others.  That bullshit needs to stop.

I am in therapy.  With that statement, I am opened up to many prejudices, stereotypes, and misconceptions.  I don't really care anymore if people know about it.  I don't wave a therapy flag or force this bit of information in a moment of too-much-information.  I  find it humorous to see their reactions.  They are usually slightly shocked, hold and awkward pause, then very cautiously ask me, "are you ok?" For many, they are concerned, for a few though, the judgements start coming.

Why am I sharing this "devil may care" attitude about my personal life?  It is because of therapy.  During my last few sessions I started discovering that due to my concern of how people view me and by the potential of me letting them down, I am not truly living with the real me.

This self sense of being Mr. Nice Guy and trying not to ruffle feathers, smooth those that are ruffled, and avoidance of delivering bad news has held me back too long.  Because of this I tend to take on too much onto myself when others should be doing their job or make their expectations more realistic.  I lose track of too many tactical, cultural, familial and other types of obligations. I am spending too much time on this shit.

A year or so ago I had a dream where my wife told me "I am not going to help you clean up the façades you built around yourself."  This profoundly hit me and cuts to the core of my tendencies to placate.  I build up all these façades to keep the peace from falling into pieces.

While that revelation is big for me, it took a simple observation from my therapist when I told her of that dream.  "Those narrations in your dreams are written by you, not the person represented in your dreams."  Whoa...  For the past year, I've subconsciously believed that statement represented something from my wife.  While it may be something she believes, it is my projection on her, manifested in a dream.  Since it is my dream script the message is directed at me... from ME. 

I know that should be very evident and elementary in terms of psychology.  I have a degree in the subject.  Unfortuntely, I never thought that those things said in my dreams are my script and messages my soul, spirit, and intellect are trying to convey to me.  I may get inklings of the messages during awake time, but it takes a dream to live those messages.

Out of all of the therapy cliches, here is a big one - the role of my parents in my current psychological health.  I will put that net out wider to include all family, many close friends and coworkers.  For years I've said "yes" to many things while suppressing my real thoughts, ideas, and desires in fear of hurting and disappointing these people.  Once my therapist got this out of me she asked the next huge question --

"How does this affect your art?"

I have two self-identified types of art I create, the secular and "sexular".  The "sexular" is all my nude photos and those images that have overt erotic elements.  The secular is pretty much all my other stuff, portraits, landscapes, commercial work, etc.  If you go to my commercial website, you will find most photos are my secular works except for a harmless, tiny, implied nude of Candace.

Back to my therapist's question, "How does this affect your work?"

For my secular art , I am concerned that the craft and art in it are not strong enough to be appreciated or accepted by those who are important to me (see list above).  I love making these photos.  Most do not have deep contextual artistic meaning, but they are fun and rewarding to make.

For my "sexular" art, I am very concerned by how I am perceived by it.  I've published publicly very little of my work in this area other than on my blog.  I think all this angst over showing this work and how it is important to me to those who may condemn me makes me put up even more façades. 

This subconscious drive most recently manifested in my newest series I am creating - I Objectify Women.  In this series, I am grappling with objectification of women, and how I am part of it.  I am hoping it will help me answer some of my own tough questions and self-doubts.  In the end though, it is becoming a statement piece saying, "This is my art and this is who I am."  Maybe it is time for me to live that mantra in more areas of my life.

"This is my work and this who I am."
"These are my desires and this is who I am."
"This is my sexuality and this is who I am."
"This is my body and this is who I am."

It's time to drop so many of the facades around me.  I need that energy for more important things.

Why are they hidden?*

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"What do I remember about med school?
'This is my air hole (pointing to her nose)
My sound holes (pointing to her ears)
My food hole (pointing to her mouth)
My pee and baby holes (pointing to the front of her pants)
and my poop hole (pointing to her tush)'
All other stuff is related to those holes. " Dr. Sylvia

I got that great quote from one of the physicians I used to work with after asking her a technical medical question.  All the other doctors and nurses in the room laughed as hard as I did.  She pretty much summed up most of internal medicine right there.

 I recently had to train a group of employees about retrieving key information from a drug side-effects database and I came upon two sticking points.  The first was an acronym I didn't know and the second was a medical term for a symptom to multiple potentially dangerous conditions.

I came across the term LMP and had no idea what the acronym represented.  I asked one nurse I work with and he blushed.  I asked his boss, another nurse who is a no-nonsense and just out right said, "LMP - Last Menstrual Period. "  For some dumb reason I blushed.  I knew though I had to get over my blushing since being descriptive is a needed part of medicine.

The second event concerned doing a search on the symptom - "blood present in urine."  I chose this term for a training exercise since it brought up many interesting bits of information from the data base.  One employee warned me that it could be an awkward topic when training fellow global coworkers in certain cultures and locations.  I ended up keeping the term in the class and push through any initial emotional responses from the learners.  In my opinion, its part of our job, get over it.  It wasn't like I was saying the event in crude terms like "blood in your nasty piss".

We all have these body parts.  They all have functions and purposes, yet we are shy about them.   I know some of these body parts have less-than-idyllic functions and purposes.  We still have them though and they are a part of us.  This need to censor our natural bodies goes to all parts of our culture, especially art.

I have an anus.  I also have testes and a penis.  All my nude models I've photographed (so far) have vaginas and anuses**.  We all have the holes (in one form or another) that Dr. Sylvia mentioned.

In my photography, I captured (both intentionally and inadvertently) all of these bits and pieces, however, have you really seen any of these in the photos I've posted before today?  Nope.  In our "fine art" world, many consider them off limits as elements of acceptable art.  Why do we hide these bits of ourselves that make us human, that makes us male or female?  I am guilty of hiding them by putting them into shadow, covering them, etc.  Why?  Why hide them?

Parts of this argument can get into the porn vs. art debate.  Other arguments may include the crassness and baseness of the subject matter pulls the attention away from the art and makes the appearance of these parts the only noticeable element of the piece.  I can see both points.

I have no societal answers to these complex questions on showing our basic parts.  For myself though, I've am evolving my own aesthetic on when to include or occlude/obscure them.  It needs to come down to my intent of the piece.

I am growing more willing to include these items in my "published" art (my photos that are going to live out in the world, beyond the film negatives and my hard drive).  This applies to anuses, vaginas, genital labia, penises, etc.  For me to include them, they have to:

• be integral to the purpose of the piece
• not overwhelm the piece, unless there is a purpose for it to overwhelm
• be acknowledged and/or approved by the model, knowing that this part is being shown.

I think all parts of human body can be beautiful.  I haven't photographed a nude male yet (other than myself), but find all parts of the male anatomy to have a purpose and role in art as well.

I guess much of this has been hashed out in the porn vs. art debate?   Is my intent of showing these bits for profit and exploitation, or is there an artistic reason behind it.  I am hoping for the latter.

* As much as I've enjoyed the deep metaphysical/cosmological/chronological posts of the past few days, sometimes it is important to explore the basic and close-by things in our lives as well.

** Latin scholars may stipulate that plural form of anus would be ani, but after a google search, it appears anuses is the modern accepted term.

Hues or gradients?

Candace Nirvana - 121711

Awhile back blog friend Carla suggested in a comment I write about why I choose to create photos in black and white or color.  I've been thinking about it now for a few weeks and it comes down to one question, "Which works best for what I need?" I know that sounds so simple to be almost trite, but the answer is the basis of all my art and the subjective power of the medium.

When I shoot digital, I always shoot in color*.  Most of my photos instantly lend themselves to color, black and white, or some subdued middle ground instantly.  This may be due to elements being too distracting or ruining the image if not changed over.  Since the answer is usually pretty obvious, the BW vs color choice is pretty easy.

For some of my photos, it is much harder to choose the final output.  The image works very well in either format.  At this point I have to ask

1. What the intent of the photo is?  
2. Is it part of a series that is in one treatment or the other?  Does it matter if it is different than the rest?
3. Am I concerned about texture, pattern, line, shadows and graphic details?  Yes, go desaturated or BW. 
4. Is the color a or the component to the image? Yes, go color.  I may even have to emphasize certain colors and play with saturation and color channels to get it just right.

Think of a sunset photo.  I bet it is a color photo.  Now think of a photo of woman carrying an umbrella on a cold rainy day in Dublin.  You probably can better imagine that in black and white.

Sometimes I choose one over the other because of the feel it gives off.  For me, BW can "feel" more factual while color can "feel" more abstract and multidimensional.   This is not a golden rule for me, but for a recent series, I wanted the feel that black and white gave as a sense of documentary of the emotions of the people in the photos even though the whole series is conceptual and highly interpretive.  I wanted people to really focus on the emotions on the faces.  The photo of Valya in the bed works in black and white so much better for me because of the emotional feel conveys so much better desaturated than in color.

Valya - 121711

Valya - 121711

Jacqui - 121711

Jacqui - 121711

The photo of Jacqui in the truck only works in color for me.  I saw how her dress, my truck, and the rich blue California sky worked so well together.  The photo has strong directional lines that would lend well to a black and white photo, but obviously color is the best choice.  Compare this to the photos of her wearing just a white dress while sitting in the same truck.  For those, black and white was my only choice.

Jacqui - 121711

Jacqui - 121711

Sometimes I have a hard time deciding which is best.  I ask other photographers for their thoughts, but this usually has mixed results.  Some like color, others like the black and white better.  The photo of Jacqui below has had about equal votes for both treatments.  In the end, I will have to decide which works better for what I need it for.  I have to answer the four questions above to help me divine the answer.

Jacqui - 121711

Jacqui - 121711

 






















Do I have a predelection for one treatment over the other.  It depends on my mood, my life experiences at the time, and if I am excited or bored with the treatment.  I learned to photograph using black and white film, developing it, and making wet prints from it.  I feel that may give me a bit more of a push toward black and white, but I still like both.  By learning to shoot in black and white, I learned key components of line, shape, pattern, contrast, and other BW elements that translate well to color photography and make those images better.

Below are pairs of photos with both treatments.  Feel free to share comments if one works better than the other for you and why that is so.

*The basic reason to photograph digitally in color RAW and then convert to black and white instead of just using the camera's black and white settings comes down to shades of grey.  When you use your camera's internal BW setting, it limits the captured image to 256 shades of grey, but if you shoot in color the sensor captures 256 shades of blue, red and green each.  If you multiplied 256X256X256, you get the total number of different colors captured - 16.8 million different colors.  When you convert the photo from color to BW on your computer, each one of those captured colors will have slightly different shades of grey from each other.  Your BW image will have much greater tonal range and look richer.

Candace - 121711

Candace - 121711

Jacqui - 121711

Jacqui - 121711

Courtney - 121711

Courtney - 121711

Palm Springs - 121711

Palm Springs - 121711

Candace - 121711

Candace - 121711

The small pathetic

Valya - 121611

The small pathetic
lies with barbed ice seething cold
in his heart's demise.

Valya

Valya 121111

One of my favorite days this year was November 21st.  It was the last day of my New York vacation/photography trip.  It also was a chance to photograph Valya.  My artist's soul needed to work with her again.

I had a loose concept and we discussed it.   It is not as easy to define as our stuff we created in 2010.  This one is still in its infancy and I wanted a look and feel, but direction of emotion and movement was very open to the moment.   We talked through different nuances and parts and also let the moment flow through with minimal words.   After the photo shoot we talked some more.  I need to say this.  Valya is a true artist muse for me.   I truly feel it is a gift and honor to create art with her. 

Valya 121111

I don't use the term "muse" lightly.  I've only worked with a few, and each one of them was a gift to me and my art.  One key part of our relationship is the trust in each other.  I trust her as I share my ideas and how they come from deep in me.  Sometimes I am not the best at expressing them, yet she has a muse's magic at helping me dig them up.  She knows when to ask a question and when to let silence guide both of us.  I trust her with the things I share about my thoughts, visions, nightmares, and where I want to go, no matter how vague.

I feel she trusts me as well to witness her natural state.   She doesn't act so much as she lives through the moment.  I feel she shares a bit of her soul with me as I shared mine as well.  This openness allows both of us to feel comfortable and connected which allows us to create together.

Another gift we share is that we can laugh during a session.  I tend to pick darker, sadder, and quieter moments I want to capture.  I greatly appreciate the laughs to help keep things real as well.

One of my favorite things Valya does is shares ideas.  She offers thoughts, suggestions, and works with me to create what I need.  She gives every effort during our time and I greatly appreciate it.

At this time of year I look back and think of things to be thankful for.  One of my top things is having had the privilege of sharing time with Valya twice this year.  She not only helps me make art, she helps me live it.

“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.”- David Beckam

Valya - 081511

I mentioned in my last post about my trip to New York that I spent an afternoon in Brooklyn.  I got off the train and met up with Valya, a great model I worked with last year while in the city.  As I went to meet her I was worried that the great art we created was a one time deal, but I was excited to see if we could try it again.

We talked a bit and I learned how to use her Canon since I didn't bring my serious equipment and had to borrow her camera.  We then set about the session.  I am not going to talk about the shoot other than Valya was amazing to work with again and always made sure to help me get what I wanted.  She inspired and contributed toward the art we made.

Valya - 081511

During and after the photo shoot, we talked about the work I want to create when I return during my longer visit later this fall.  I am developing a few concepts with her that are exciting and departures from my prior stuff. 

We had lunch after the shoot and I had to catch the subway to get to the airport.  During the trek back to Manhattan I reflected on the photo shoot, the conversation, and the energy. Valya is a top model that makes each shoot important, fun, erotic, and helps create great stuff way beyond what I wanted.

Thanks again Valya!  You are a true artist, muse and great lady.

Valya - 081511

NYC - You can go back, but don't expect to it to have waited for you.

View from my room - 081311

New York changes me every time I go there.  This time was no different.  During the days I had to do my daily job in a northern New Jersey town.  In the evenings I went into the city four times.  Most of the side trips to the city were influenced by my life-changing trip last summer in two ways.  First, I went to a few places I wanted to get to, but didn't get the chance.  Second, I went to see or revisit a few things that brought back happiness, mixed emotions, and taught me a few important life lessons.

Last summer there were three places I wanted to go to, but missed for a variety of reasons. The first was Times Square.  The second was to visit Strand Books in Manhattan.  The third was Brooklyn.

Strand Books - 081311

How can anyone who visits New York miss Times Square?  During my last visit some of my group went to it while I visited  30 Rockefeller Center while walking to the MoMA.  I went under Times Square at least three times on subway trains and transferred to other trains.  Many of my classmates got there and created amazing night images.  It felt like those tv shows where two people keep almost meeting and something interrupts or misguides them away.  I made it there my first night.  Three things about Times Square - lots and lots of giant screens and lights, tons of tourists, and now the great New Years Eve party makes sense to me.  I brought a great tiny point and shoot camera that I hadn't learned all the tricks with so my pictures of it are meh.  I want to go back to it because it has a the same simulacra feel of Las Vegas, which I also love.  I love seeing such effort put up to create a false facade.  Times Square is another great metaphor for life.

Strand Books is the largest physical bookstore I've been in.  I love books, but I am no bibliophile.  This place would be a sacred pilgrimage if I was one.  There is one large floor dedicated just to art books.  The photography section is overwhelming.  The erotic art section is larger than  the local Barnes and Nobles' complete art section.  In that section I bought the Taschen photo book La Petite Mort by Will Santillo.  I couldn't resist after I read the line, "If orgasm is the little death, is masturbation the little suicide?"

Valya - 081311

Brooklyn was a view across the river that I never visited last summer.  We went to Coney Island on the far side of it, but never explored the heart of the borough.  This time I spent part of an excellent and artistically enriching afternoon visiting with a friend.  (The visit with my friend will be covered in my next post.  Look at the photo on the right for a sneak peek.)  I walked around the Jamaican neighborhood for a while.  I couldn't help comparing it to Manhattan and thinking "minutes away, worlds apart".  This residential area doesn't have the glamorous charm of Manhattan.  It is a rougher area with a vibe and feel to it that make it tangible.  The music coming from the windows, the talks on the stoops, and the energy made me want to spend an evening there getting to know this rich neighborhood a little better.  Sadly though, I had to go and try to catch my plane out in Newark and had to leave all too soon.  I will be back.

Dinner Outside - 081311

As mentioned I also visited a few places I had been to before.  First up was B&H Photo on 9th Street.  It is my photography store Mecca.  I've bought four or five cameras there including my newest acquisition, an am/pro HD camcorder.  I want to experiment with moving images and need one before my big trips this fall.  I highly recommend B&H.  They are very helpful, friendly and non-pushy.  They know their stuff too.

After leaving B&H I had to go to the Empire State Building.  I plan a personal post about this icon of New York.  For now though I had to touch it.  I had to make sure that both it and I are still grounded. This beautiful building towers over all its neighbors.  It towers over me and is so significant compared to me.  I will always remember and revere it, but I am sure it is not aware of me or my connection to it.  More on this behemoth of a charged building later.

Times Square - 081311

How did New York change me?  I am still sorting that out.  One thing I learned though is that I've changed greatly since the last time I was there.  In so many areas I've flown high and I have also crashed and burned.  This has been a hell of a year.

In New York, everyone is a small individual in a great big whole.  Every person is their own story, but almost no one notices each other.  They just pass by and let the story move on.  There are an insanely overwhelming number of stories just on one block.  Sometimes they bump into each other for better and for worse, but sadly end up moving away, losing the connection that the city allowed them.  As melancholic as that sounds, I love New York City for its beauty and pain more each time.  Love is a complex beast.  It both builds you and tears you down.  Everyone has the choice to fall in love so I guess the beauty and beast of it all are self-induced pleasures and pains.