Not liking!

Mare Island - 020413

One of friends who is now looking for colleges had a very endearing and easily understood experience when she was four years old.  It happened when we watched Shrek together.  There is a scene where Shrek is really mean to Donkey and yells at him to send him away.  My little friend crawled into my lap and said to me, "Not liking!" and turned her head to avoid seeing the sad scene in the movie.  I had to agree, "not liking".

Over the past few weeks I've seen a couple of other friends that were friends before I met them are falling out.  It has probably been brewing for awhile.  It hurts since they once shared a deep connection and both respect and affection for each other.  Now their relationship feels poisoned.  Their growing split is getting harder to witness.  Not liking.

Many of my friendships in my life faded away over the last few decades.  Facebook has helped a few of us reconnect, but that is a rarity.  I understand when friendships slowly flow apart since we all develop separate lives that slowly erode the commonalities we once shared.

It is really sad though to lose friendships over hard feelings and misunderstandings.  I've regrettably been part of those splits and witnessed a few as well. Sadly, this is part is life I guess.  During my witnessing this recent break, I know that my role is probably best to stay to the side and try to love and support them both.  For now though, I want to look away and say, "Not liking."

Speeding by annihilation

ICBM Missile Silo, Central Montana - 012813

When you zip around eastern and central Montana (and much of North Dakota) you see these places.  The are about an acre of fenced in concrete, asphalt, and a few electronic devices.  They are scattered all over the landscape and often have cattle around them quietly grazing.  Under that bit of concrete though lies the potential death of millions of people.  It is the ultimate potential energy device humanity has every created, the intercontinental ballistic missile, or ICBM, just waiting to become kinetic.

I grew up in the 70's and 80's with these all around me.  As kids, my brother and I would play a game counting the number of missile silos we would pass while on family trips.  Mom and dad didn't say anything about our game, but by the look on their faces we could tell it was not a game to them.

In junior high and high school, we watched movies like The Day After that chronicled the aftermath of the nuclear holocaust.  We read Alas, Babylon.  We were told that if WW3 started, we would be some of the first to know as we would watch the missiles rise out of the earth and go into space to come back down on the USSR.  We also knew that we would have about 20 minutes to live before we would burn up in a flash.

Once after school, a few of us talked about what we would do if we saw the missiles launch.  A few with teenage bravado and hormones exclaimed a desire to die not virgins, so they would go find their girlfriends to spend those last minutes with.  A few said they would race home to family and spend time with them. I just got sad because I knew my home was thirty minutes away and I would die alone.  Whenever I heard a sonic boom (a monthly or even weekly occurrence), I would worry for an instant that a missile had launched and gone super sonic on its one-way trip over the arctic.  I would close my eyes and say a soft, mumbled prayer, "Please. Not this time."

In 2011 I took a long road trip around Montana.   On the third to last day in that state, I started to come down with a nasty cold.  I could only do a couple hundred miles of driving before I needed to rest.  I was sad because I knew I would be sick on the day I would drive my favorite road in Montana, Highway 200 between Great Falls and Missoula.

I love that road because it tickles my fetish for geological boundaries.  It is where the Great Plains runs head on into the Rocky Mountains.  It is my favorite place in the world.  That day though, I was feverish and wanting to both enjoy the beauty and just get to Butte and a warm bed.

About forty minutes west of Great Falls, I saw the deja vu-inducing missile silo site.  I quickly grabbed my camera and shot five images as I sped by at 70 mph.  I wasn't sure if I was allowed to take those photos, so I made it a quick pass.  After I set my camera down, all of those high school memories from a time when our enemy was the USSR came flooding back.  I suddenly felt both lonely in the car and nostalgic for Montana.  I looked in my rear view mirror at the quickly receding silo and and whispered in a horse voice to it, "Please.  Not this time."

No Nude Mondays

Heading west toward 95 - 012113

Inauguration day.  I have only a few thoughts on the President's speech.  It's about fucking time he grew a set and chose to address big issues head on.  Some of these include financial equity, marriage equity, and the progressive agenda.  This will make us discuss it and push forward.  I hope we grow to be a better nation and not see the gridlock and absolutism of our political nation.

No-nude Mondays and why do we make voluntary suffering a virtue?

Colorado River - 011413

In rivers, the water that you touch is the last of what has passed and the first of that which comes; so with present time. - Leonardo da Vinci

I had a great weekend scoping locations, photographing a model, and gallivanting around the northern California area.  You will see photos from those experiences in the next few days.

Part 1 - Water

I really like photographing boundaries.  The photo above is the Colorado  River, a few dozen miles south of Lake Mead and Hoover Dam.  Across the river is Arizona.  While being a geographical boundary, it is also the boundary between parched desert and water.  We are drawn to water, especially where water is the rarity and not the usual.

Part 2 - Suffering snobbery.

It has been cold in this area of California for a few days.  Many of my Montana family and friends would not bat an eye at the temps, but I felt the cold.  Since I left Montana, family members love to brag about the extreme cold, heat, dry, or snowy conditions it is back there and how it makes them a tougher group; ergo, better than those living in temperate locals. .  If they get into how they are underpaid for doing jobs that reward much better elsewhere while also suffering such weather hardships, they condescend to others from their saintly perches.

I live in the state with the most Americans in it (roughly 1 out of 8 Americans live here).  It has the highest and the lowest points of the lower 48 states.  California's economy trades places with France as which is larger.  We have snow, ocean coast, and desert.  I drive through traffic and by cities that have more people than Montana.  Does this make me a better person than anyone else. Nope.  I chose to live in a place where the weather is much more moderate and the traffic sucks.  I chose to live in a state that has well-paying jobs.  I now have a home in Nevada, where the summer temps are above 110 and only cools to mid 90's at night.  Does that make me a tougher person and better than others?  No.  It was just a choice.

In this age, migrating between states is not that hard compared to a hundred years.  If you choose to live in hardship areas and have the ability to move, then that may say more about your judgement.  As a friend once told me, "In most parts of life, suffering is optional."

A change in diet?

Nelson, NV - 010813

Yesterday I posted some new photos that didn't have any nudes... or even humans.  I jokingly called it "No Nude Monday".  D.L. shared a great comment:

Focusing on nature can be a rewarding and sometimes healing adventure. Noticing the beauty and details of the outdoors can enhance and renew the pleasures of exploring the nude form again.

 I had to think on it a bit and realized I have fallen into a gluttonous diet of photographing erotic and nude subjects. Like eating too many In and Out burgers, this filling over indulgence only leaves me craving the next one.  Where is the next model? What are we going to create?  What mood and feelings do I want?  Will there be a narrative or concept or is it to be for more base desires? 

As with any gluttonous craving, it feeds upon itself at the exclusion of a more well-rounded diet that is healthier for the photographer.  I find that I get tunnel vision on a topic, subject, or genre.  I no longer notice all the amazing photographic opportunities around me and go for the rib eye steak of my art, the erotic nude. 

A few weeks ago I went out with my wife into the desert around Las Vegas a few times.  I photographed the buildings, landscapes, and little things that caught my eye.   Along the way, I jokingly shared, "I can't publish these.  I am a portraitist, dare I say eroticist or pornographer.  I can't do landscapes."  She didn't like that joke.

When I use a computer too long, I notice that I have a difficulty seeing things clearly at great distances because my eyes are too used to an object about 24" from me.  While photographing a landscape that was over 40 miles deep, I realized my photographic vision was out of shape. I am used to focusing on a the exquisite beauty before me and worrying about depth of field, bokeh, light, fine focus, and other aesthetic choices.  Once I stepped out into nature and the grand views, I had to notice those mountains way off, the quickly spreading clouds, and the little cactus near my feet.  I had to see depth.  Instead of cropping out the world to get to the subject, like I do with nude photography, I had to decide what to include in the grand photo and try to make it work.

As D.L. wrote,  "Noticing the beauty and details of the outdoors can enhance and renew the pleasures of exploring the nude form again.", I need to refresh my view and get more vegetables, starches, and fruit into my photographic diet.  I need to enhance how I see the whole world in the frame, not just the luscious content my id wants in it.  Maybe it is time to see the forest again and not get obsessed with only seeing the breasts. 

Wow. Seven days in...

Nelson, NV - 010713

... and all those resolutions to simplify and try to go at a healthier pace have vanished already.  Oh well.  I guess my resolution to listen to more music is working though.

Nothing deep here, just winding out my day.  This post should be called, "No Nude Monday.  Here are some recent photos from Nelson, Nevada.  Thanks to Terrell for introducing this place to me.

West of the Colorado River near Nelson, NV - 010713

I can do the occasional landscape if needed.  My thanks to nature for beautiful clouds and earth.