Nostalgia and the photo.

A snap of me on vacation in Las Vegas. 040112

"Nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.  It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone" Don Draper (Jon Hamm) - Mad Men

In the Mad Men episode, "The Wheel", Don Draper has to make an advertising pitch for the new Kodak slide projector that introduced the carousel. How can he make it the next big thing, like the iPad or digital camera?  In his pitch, he connects the power of having easy access to our memories, our history, and the connection to family, and love via seeing the slides of those moments to this technology Kodak needs to promote.

 


Mad Men ´The Carousel´ from Emilio on Vimeo.

This scene is my favorite from a show I've grown to love.   Maybe it is the sentimentality of Don looking at his family that he is losing, the feeling in his eyes as he sees his wife and kids share those private moments that make them a family.  I appreciate how many of the photos are technically flawed with bad flash, motion, and other common imperfections that make them more of a family's memories and not a professional quality shoot that would be out of context for what they are.  In this way, he is connecting how these photos have meaning to him and it doesn't matter how others view them.  He gets the point of the carousel and personal photography.  It is for the photographer and those closely involved.

I dread it when an acquaintance says, "Hey Karl.  You are a photographer.  My (insert his/her loved one that I hardly know and have no connections with) and I went to (some location distant or close).  We got some great photos from it you have to see."  He or she then whips out an iPad, iPhone, or laptop (at least it is no longer a slide projector or photo album) and shows them to me.  They never really give me a story more than, "This is us by the (insert attraction name).  And this is us eating a big taco at..."  They usually have a few good sunset shots and one or two good action or scenic photos as well.  Sadly, they don't realize I rarely get anything out of their photos.  I doubt most of the people they show their travel photos to find any meaning out them or really care.  The people those photos hold some meaning to are the people who lived in the moment they were taken.  They all share that nostalgic bond that makes them feel the beauty of the moment captured.  While I am being a condescending prig of a photographer thinking these things, I have a reason.  It isn't that my travel pics with family and friends are any better.  It is because of my intent when I took them.

When we take the vacation, holiday, life-event, and informal snapshots, we have a special intent.  We want a reminder, a connection to that special moment.  We want to relive the smell of the air, the sound of the waves and wind, and the feeling we felt with those living the moment with us.  We want to hear our children playing on the swings.  We want to feel the moment of the wedding, the party, or whatever the moment captured.  Our intent is for us and those who shared either the moment or a have a connection to the others in the photo or the place visited to relive it again.  Our subconscious intent is that these are for us.  If these photos are so personal, why do we feel we must share them with others?

I believe one reason we inflict our family photos on others (especially those not closely related to either the people in them nor the location) is the powerful feelings we have about the images.  Our close and warm feelings makes us forget why the photos have meaning to us.  We forget they are about us, for us.   This feeling of closeness makes us forget that others wont have the same connection to the images.  We forget that the intent for making them was for us, not them.

The photos I take for artistic/commercial purposes are different though due to the intent behind them.  I took them with the intent of others seeing them.  I want people to feel something by seeing them.  They may see different things, (beauty, sadness, happiness, arousal, quiet moments, ugly things, etc.), but the photo was created to go beyond being just for me.  Not all of my art photos will mean something for everyone, but the intent is there to have a meaning beyond me.

My artistic photos rarely have nostalgic meaning to me.  They may have personal emotions behind them, but I am rarely capturing them for nostalgic reasons.  The only sentimental value is if the model and I had a good time and enjoyed creating together or the location was special to me.  What I feel for my art can be all of the attributes I listed above that the viewer may feel, but nostalgic pangs for that moment are rarely felt.

I am not a total jerk about seeing others' trip photos.  If the person shares why the moment was important to them and what they felt at the moment, it helps me understand why the moment is important and I feel more of a connection to them, but maybe not the image.

I greatly appreciate this scene from Mad Men.  It tells one reason photos have so much meaning to us.  Photos give us that "twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone."  Please don't think poorly of me if the photos that gives you this "twinge" do nothing to my heart.  It wasn't your intent for it to do so.  You took it so you could feel that special twinge again.

Valya

Valya 121111

One of my favorite days this year was November 21st.  It was the last day of my New York vacation/photography trip.  It also was a chance to photograph Valya.  My artist's soul needed to work with her again.

I had a loose concept and we discussed it.   It is not as easy to define as our stuff we created in 2010.  This one is still in its infancy and I wanted a look and feel, but direction of emotion and movement was very open to the moment.   We talked through different nuances and parts and also let the moment flow through with minimal words.   After the photo shoot we talked some more.  I need to say this.  Valya is a true artist muse for me.   I truly feel it is a gift and honor to create art with her. 

Valya 121111

I don't use the term "muse" lightly.  I've only worked with a few, and each one of them was a gift to me and my art.  One key part of our relationship is the trust in each other.  I trust her as I share my ideas and how they come from deep in me.  Sometimes I am not the best at expressing them, yet she has a muse's magic at helping me dig them up.  She knows when to ask a question and when to let silence guide both of us.  I trust her with the things I share about my thoughts, visions, nightmares, and where I want to go, no matter how vague.

I feel she trusts me as well to witness her natural state.   She doesn't act so much as she lives through the moment.  I feel she shares a bit of her soul with me as I shared mine as well.  This openness allows both of us to feel comfortable and connected which allows us to create together.

Another gift we share is that we can laugh during a session.  I tend to pick darker, sadder, and quieter moments I want to capture.  I greatly appreciate the laughs to help keep things real as well.

One of my favorite things Valya does is shares ideas.  She offers thoughts, suggestions, and works with me to create what I need.  She gives every effort during our time and I greatly appreciate it.

At this time of year I look back and think of things to be thankful for.  One of my top things is having had the privilege of sharing time with Valya twice this year.  She not only helps me make art, she helps me live it.

NY again

Unique Forms of Continuity in Space - Umberto Boccioni - MoMA - 112211

I got back Monday from a four night trip to New York.  This was not a work trip, nor a photography class trip.  This was a "me" trip.

During my extended break of the last two months,  I traveled with and to see family twice.  I got to do a lot of alone traveling up to Montana, but the family was part of it.  I needed this trip, my trip.  My trip to be alone and let myself choose the paths of the day.  I had to take this trip because I probably wont have a block of time off like this ever again.  I rarely take big trips for myself. 

My hotel was near Penn Station on 29th St.  Nothing fancy, but was clean, had free breakfasts, and convenient to multiple subways.  I went to many museums, walked all over the city in beautiful autumn weather, visited a few places again that I needed to feel a part of and explored a few new ones.

I did not give myself any city photographic assignments while their except one. I knew I was going to see lots of the city so I was sure I would photograph something.  I visited one neighborhood with a special name that I wanted to visit for years.   My one photographic city theme I self-assigned was personal, deeply personal.

I photographed two models separately, Megan and Valya.  Valya referred Megan for a special project I am working on.  We had a short thirty minute session where I got what I needed.  Megan did a great job and was pleasant to work with.

My session with Valya was an artistic gift, as always.  I will post a few photos from our session and write about it in a few days.

This trip turned very personal for me during my wanderings about town.  I had time to think of the city, my life, my choices, and who I am.  I didn't get many answers, but at least I found some questions I can stop asking.  I also realized that somethings are still too close to push into the past.

I left Monday to return home.  As I got into the taxi to go to JFK, I realized I was at a border moment of my own.  I had to either go home to San Francisco that moment or I would need to leave my California life, and all it held, and lose myself in the sea of anonymity and clean slates that New York could provide.  At that moment, I thought about cancelling the cab and walking away to disappear.  New York does that to me.

New York isn't self destructive for me.  Every time I go there I get pulled into a world where no one knows me, has expectations of me, or really even cares about me.   We all coexist, weaving in and out of each others' lives on the sidewalks, in the subways, and through out our days in the city.  Even though we see each other and may even say something like "excuse me", our lives will probably never intersect again and the mutual anonymity keeps our hearts quiet and private.   In a way, that is more liberating than anything I have felt in my life - to feel the world let go of me and just let me be.