Jolene Hexx and faded memories

Jolene 072012

 Kodachrome - Paul Simon

If you took all the girls I knew
When I was single
And brought them all together for one night
I know they'd never match
My sweet imagination...

I worked with Jolene Hexx in late May while in Las Vegas.  She is a local that has great professionalism and is a very high quality model and person to work with.  Her energy worked so well with the mood and feel of what I wanted. I highly recommend her to all the photographers in Las Vegas.

We had two major themes to our photo shoot.  The first was using the couch for quiet time.  The second was using an LCD projector.  Jolene rocked both themes and I am wanting to work with her again.  For today, I want to share some of the couch series.

Jolene - 072012

For these images, I wanted a vintage feel and used a post production "cross processing" technique to give them a feel that is more like a faded memory of mine than truly capturing the details of the complete moment.

I always think back on those key memories and  notice certain elements gain emphasis while other details fade away.  Some of these memories have faded to just certain elements.  The scent in the air, the music we listened to, the wind on my face, the curve of a hip or the sigh softly released in a quiet sensual moment.

I wish my memory for emotionally important moments in my life weren't fading like this.  I have so many useless bits of knowledge that I would gladly give up to keep these memories whole.  I guess though that it is better to remember the essence of them than nothing at all.  

Thanks to Jolene and her beauty and energy she brought to the session.  I look forward to sharing more with you soon.

I have a question for you.  Which do you prefer of the last two?  I love how her hand is touching her face in the one with her eyes closed and I love how beautiful her eyes and lips are in the bottom one.  

Jolene  - 072012

Jolene A - 072012

Jolene B- 072012

Nostalgia and the photo.

A snap of me on vacation in Las Vegas. 040112

"Nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.  It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone" Don Draper (Jon Hamm) - Mad Men

In the Mad Men episode, "The Wheel", Don Draper has to make an advertising pitch for the new Kodak slide projector that introduced the carousel. How can he make it the next big thing, like the iPad or digital camera?  In his pitch, he connects the power of having easy access to our memories, our history, and the connection to family, and love via seeing the slides of those moments to this technology Kodak needs to promote.

 


Mad Men ´The Carousel´ from Emilio on Vimeo.

This scene is my favorite from a show I've grown to love.   Maybe it is the sentimentality of Don looking at his family that he is losing, the feeling in his eyes as he sees his wife and kids share those private moments that make them a family.  I appreciate how many of the photos are technically flawed with bad flash, motion, and other common imperfections that make them more of a family's memories and not a professional quality shoot that would be out of context for what they are.  In this way, he is connecting how these photos have meaning to him and it doesn't matter how others view them.  He gets the point of the carousel and personal photography.  It is for the photographer and those closely involved.

I dread it when an acquaintance says, "Hey Karl.  You are a photographer.  My (insert his/her loved one that I hardly know and have no connections with) and I went to (some location distant or close).  We got some great photos from it you have to see."  He or she then whips out an iPad, iPhone, or laptop (at least it is no longer a slide projector or photo album) and shows them to me.  They never really give me a story more than, "This is us by the (insert attraction name).  And this is us eating a big taco at..."  They usually have a few good sunset shots and one or two good action or scenic photos as well.  Sadly, they don't realize I rarely get anything out of their photos.  I doubt most of the people they show their travel photos to find any meaning out them or really care.  The people those photos hold some meaning to are the people who lived in the moment they were taken.  They all share that nostalgic bond that makes them feel the beauty of the moment captured.  While I am being a condescending prig of a photographer thinking these things, I have a reason.  It isn't that my travel pics with family and friends are any better.  It is because of my intent when I took them.

When we take the vacation, holiday, life-event, and informal snapshots, we have a special intent.  We want a reminder, a connection to that special moment.  We want to relive the smell of the air, the sound of the waves and wind, and the feeling we felt with those living the moment with us.  We want to hear our children playing on the swings.  We want to feel the moment of the wedding, the party, or whatever the moment captured.  Our intent is for us and those who shared either the moment or a have a connection to the others in the photo or the place visited to relive it again.  Our subconscious intent is that these are for us.  If these photos are so personal, why do we feel we must share them with others?

I believe one reason we inflict our family photos on others (especially those not closely related to either the people in them nor the location) is the powerful feelings we have about the images.  Our close and warm feelings makes us forget why the photos have meaning to us.  We forget they are about us, for us.   This feeling of closeness makes us forget that others wont have the same connection to the images.  We forget that the intent for making them was for us, not them.

The photos I take for artistic/commercial purposes are different though due to the intent behind them.  I took them with the intent of others seeing them.  I want people to feel something by seeing them.  They may see different things, (beauty, sadness, happiness, arousal, quiet moments, ugly things, etc.), but the photo was created to go beyond being just for me.  Not all of my art photos will mean something for everyone, but the intent is there to have a meaning beyond me.

My artistic photos rarely have nostalgic meaning to me.  They may have personal emotions behind them, but I am rarely capturing them for nostalgic reasons.  The only sentimental value is if the model and I had a good time and enjoyed creating together or the location was special to me.  What I feel for my art can be all of the attributes I listed above that the viewer may feel, but nostalgic pangs for that moment are rarely felt.

I am not a total jerk about seeing others' trip photos.  If the person shares why the moment was important to them and what they felt at the moment, it helps me understand why the moment is important and I feel more of a connection to them, but maybe not the image.

I greatly appreciate this scene from Mad Men.  It tells one reason photos have so much meaning to us.  Photos give us that "twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone."  Please don't think poorly of me if the photos that gives you this "twinge" do nothing to my heart.  It wasn't your intent for it to do so.  You took it so you could feel that special twinge again.

Kick in the ass

Yes. I used PS Dark Arts on Myself - 012812

"It's great to have a passion, but you must also have a work ethic around it." Unknown*

For the past month or so I received multiple subtle and explicit messages to get my shit together.  Most of these messages concern my art.  All of them are basically saying, "Karl, You take pretty good photos.  You have an eye for capturing people in your photos.  Good boy.  Now you really need to move on to the next level.  You need to do it better and you need to get it done.  Not only done, but done right."

I  hired a graphic/web designer/artist to help me build a commercial website.  She designed  a new logo for me late last year.  I was impressed by it and looked at her portfolio of commercial websites she designed and was very impressed.  I showed her my half-ass, stagnant website and she gently tore it apart in a critique.  I knew then I had hired the right partner to help build the new one.  A month later, and many hours of writing text, selecting key photos, and many other tasks concerning SEO, keywords, aspect ratios, and categorizations, it is almost ready to go public.  I will co-premier it here and Facebook when it is ready to go.  I will also share her name and website in that post.

That experience taught me a valuable lesson.  If I am going to spend a good chunk of money and get a strong commercial site going, I had better go all in or pack up.  You can't go into business half way.  All in or fold.   Balls deep.  Shit or get off the pot.  Ok.  Enough metaphors for that.

While on Christmas break I saw a great a video clip of a George Carlin tribute with Louie C.K.  Louie C.K. is a comic genius and speaks so many truths for me.  In this tribute he shares the influence of Carlin on his career.  The key lesson is to keep reinventing his work and push his comedy further and further and get to what is raw, core, and never stop exploring.  Go deeper.   The gold starts at 4:55.



It is too easy to keep producing the same images the same way and getting the same responses.  I keep creating the same stuff, just with different flavors.  I keep getting the same results, and not going too far both in my art and in the success of my art.

The golden nugget from this video made me realize that I get the best feedback from my stuff that pushes me in new directions, new materials, new concepts, new people, new methods, and new feelings.  It is time to let some things go that are finished and run their course with me.  It feels like being given a new wild world to go out and explore!!!

So, if the first lesson was to go all in or go home and the second lesson was to keep reinventing and pushing myself harder, deeper, and into new areas, the third one was a hard criticism on what I have done.  It made me first question what type of photographer/artist I am in the sense of the quality of my work and then kicked me in the ass to do something about it.

I sent out a few proof portrait images.  The subject liked a few and then did something shocking, but also taught me a lesson.  The subject edited  one of my photos and sent it back with the list of edits.  Holy fuck.  Nobody has edited my photos before, especially without telling me first.

At first I was pissed.  How dare somebody touch my work like that!  I went for a walk around the neighborhood and came back and decided to look at the edits and compare them to the original I had sent out.  In came the head kick of humility and the lesson - Karl, your digital photo editing skills are kind of rudimentary and basic.  Karl, you do some digital photo editing really well, but if you are going to do this seriously, you really have to get better at it.

I use Adobe Lightroom for my photo workflow, everything from downloading and storage, through editing and refining, to creating a print or digital output.  It has many great tools that are similar to what can be found in the traditional darkroom.  It greatly complimented my darkroom knowledge and helped me make the transition from film to digital.   All along I denied the value of Photoshop.  I felt it was too complicated to learn.  It made my art a technical exercise, not a passion of the soul.  I would get lost in all the layers and gadgets and my art would lose its soul.  All of these were excuses, not reasons.

I am in the middle of an intensive Photoshop course now and am finally beginning to understand that its a wondrous tool box that can liberate so many of the limitations that straight photography places on me.  I am quickly realizing that I am not making the best art I can and honoring my subjects by my reticence to learning this important (and let's face it, industry) tool.   It is sort of like learning magic.

I've learned many new things that remind me of the Harry Potter universe.  Magic has both its good and bad arts.  In the books, all Hogwarts students had to learn the Magic of the Dark Arts.  For some it became their primary tool for power, for others it became a last-use weapon or a knowledge on how to defend ones self from it.

I think this is true of Photoshop as well.  There are so many ways to manipulate photos within that program.  There is the subtle stuff like correcting for perspective, saturating or de-saturating colors, reducing wrinkles, getting rid of pimples, etc.  There is the heavy stuff like distorting the body to look thinner, taller, whiter, darker, and closer to an ideal of what someone should like vs. what they truly look like.  All of these tools are available for the photographer to change the photograph from simple edits to a work of fiction.  These are some potentially dark arts that I need to learn and master.  How I use my knowledge and mastery of the dark arts will determine whether my intent was good or not.

Below is a video about the dangers of Photoshop.



I haven't written a blog post in the past few weeks due to all the work I am pushing into my art while still working my paying job and trying to maintain a life.  I am not getting any younger.  I know I have many more years behind me than ahead of me.  I need to get my art done before I die and I need to get off my lazy ass and do it.  I also have to do it better or why do it all?

*I hate it when I hear a great quote and can't find who said it.  Google can only do so much I guess.  I know it was an author. 

Overstaying my welcome

Delta Sign - 121411

Back in college our group of friends would take turns hosting parties.  There would usually be a dozen or so of us laughing, dancing, arm wrestling, drinking, eating, toking, making out, joking, and then repeat.  Each party was a treat that lasted for hours and ended when everyone dribbled out.  This exodus usually would last only last ten minutes or so before everyone cleared out.

One night at Scott and Tracy's, four of us remained as we hung out in the living room talking, laughing and getting drunk.  At one point (around two am) there was a lull in the conversation and we could hear the music coming from the stereo.  The song was Contact by Phish.  The relaxing lyrics of the first verse so clearly poured into our ears.

The tires are the things on your car
That make contact with the road
The car is the thing on the road
That takes you back to your abode

We looked at Scott and asked if he was trying to give us a hint.  He laughed and shrugged.  We all then laughed and decided it was time to walk home.  That song became a running joke that we would all play at parties as the exit tune.  It was a funny way to give the soft message, "Time to move along."

We moved to California in 1997 and have lived in Vallejo ever since.  That is only fourteen years, but that is four years longer  than I've lived in  any other place in my life.  Vallejo feels like home and I am comfortable here, but I am getting the subtle signs, internal and external, that it is time to move on.  For the past year or so I've felt both pushes and tugs to leave.  These forces are communicating to me that it is time to move along down the road.

Las Vegas Sign - 121411

The pushes are all around me.  They are subtle and I believe exist in both my subconscious and of those around me.  Many of the pushes are probably my sub-conscious creating negative narratives affirming a need of my own.  One example is the feeling at work that it is time to move one.  The job feels old and rusting.  My performance is getting worn out and I am running out of enthusiasm for it.  I wouldn't be shocked if my coworkers feel the same about me. 

While I may be manufacturing many of the pushes in my mind, I've noticed real ones too.  I've burned a few bridges over the years.  One really bad and recent one is indirectly sending me push messages.  Through very indirect communication (some subtle, some public), the sender is giving signals that my presence and welcome are worn out.  The sender is done with me and it is time for me to fade away.  I earned that push so I am trying to fade out as quietly as possible.

Helping the push are the tugs pulling me into new areas.  The tugs come from going to New York, Las Vegas, Rome, and my other wanderings and travels.  During those times away I felt tugs to move to the new area and a growing regret when I got back to the Bay Area.  These tugs made me realize that a new home awaits me elsewhere.  These tempting tugs beckon me with promises of a  home where I am welcomed, wanted, and where I can bring fresh blood, no burned bridges, new perspective, experience, passion art, humor, and energy.  These places are not tired of or annoyed with Karl yet nor feel the need to push me out.  I haven't disappointed, failed, hurt, or broken hearts in those places.  I am sure though one day I will.  It seems everyplace I go I overstay my welcome.

Phish - Contact

I loved pushing your buttons.

I was born at an interesting time, but aren't we all?  My mom sent me into the world a few months before Neil Armstrong did his "giant leap."  I became self aware in the mid seventies and came of age in the eighties.  During that time, especially 1975 to around 1983 I became fascinated with buttons (the pushing type, not the holding your shirt closed type) for they represented technology and the manifestation of my imagination.

I forgot about this obsession until a few nights ago when I was using my iPhone.  After entering terms for a Google search in it, I realized its touchscreen did not have the satisfaction of feeling the physical responsive reply of a button actually being depressed or feeling the click.  That night I couldn't sleep because a flood of button memories came rushing in and I had to think about why the actual act of pushing buttons used to be my heart crying out for technology (and all its possibilities) that did not exist yet in my personal life.  I also realized just how few buttons existed in my life back then.  They mainly turned on or off things or made things manually open, close or shift.

Computers were just starting to be used in major systems, such as space flight when I was born.  By the early nineties, our cars had computers much more powerful than those that were on the Apollo spaceships.  At the same time as the early Apollo missions, the television show Star Trek (1966-1969) accentuated the major role of a central computer that regulated the ship, kept a huge database of information, was used for navigation, medical diagnosis, making food, and a multitude of other applications. 

I remember the first time I watched Star Trek I was amazed by all the buttons.  They did so many things.  Sulu could fire the phasers, Scotty could maintain the engines, Dr. McCoy could diagnosis patients by twisting a dial, moving slider and pushing a button.  After seeing that I wanted to push every button around, especially if it made something happen using electricity.

During the Christmas break of 1975, we moved into a new home in Billings, Montana and I soon found every new-to-me  button in the house.  The doorbell gave immediate satisfaction but became boring after a few repetitive pushes.   The two buttons on the stove vent hood turned on the fan or the light.  I liked those, one was red and the other was black.  We had a new box fan that used push buttons to select the speeds. The only other buttons around my life were the ones on the car's AM radio that changed the stations.  I would sometimes sit in the car in our driveway and push the buttons to watch the needle bounce around the radio dial.  In my mind I was flying a space ship though and these buttons were controlling everything important.

My obsession with controlling technology and pushing buttons went crazy in June 1977.  My mom took me to see Star Wars.  Along with all the aspects of it that an 8 year old boy could become obsessed with (my first crush was for Princess Leia), I loved all the damn buttons.  The spaceships and fighters had them, the Death Star was full of buttons that could operate trash compactors or destroy planets.  Even Darth Vader had them on his chest which kept him alive.  My favorite button though was the one and only button on the light saber.  I truly understood Obi Wan Kenobi's words of wisdom about this powerful weapon as he gave  Luke Skywalker his father's light saber.  This simple elegant weapon only needed one button to do the bidding of the user.

Obi-Wan: "I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damned-fool idealistic crusade like your father did."
Luke: "What is it?"
Obi-Wan: "Your father's lightsaber. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster. An elegant weapon... for a more civilized age."

God, I wanted a light saber.  

Robot Chicken Star Wars 3 - Clip 2 from Revolver Entertainment on Vimeo.

Around that time more buttons began appearing at home.  I can remember going to the store with my dad to buy our first calculator and distinctly recall its $80 price tag.  It had red LED numbers and could only perform addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division, and nothing else.  It was magic to me.  It was our first computer.  It was TECHNOLOGY.

My mom was so excited for it.  She took care of the family checkbook and finances and always did the math on scratch paper.  This technology saved her hours of work over the course of a year.   On the other hand, I grew bored of its mathematical uses and soon used it as part of a cardboard spaceship cockpit which had many cardboard buttons, but the calculator became the ships computer.  I remember how stiff the buttons were and could sense the click from it both through auditory and tactical feedback. 

After that we got a stereo record player with more buttons, followed by a Kleenex box shaped tape recorder.  More buttons that actually did things were entering my life.  With all of this I was not satiated, my friends had microwave ovens and push button phones that I coveted.  Each time I got to push one of these buttons and tactically feel a response back and and an action as a response, I felt the power of technologies changing our lives.

In 1980 I got my first handheld electronic game, football.  After that I started to slowly lose my fascination with buttons.  Two major things came into my life about then that made me put my button fetish away.

The first were the early Radio Shack computers we got at school.  They started to represent technology because they could actually do the things that I imagined and dreamed of during my playtime with the old buttons around me.  I no longer had to pretend a calculator controlled my space ship.  I could use a real computer to do computer things.  Maybe part of this change also came from entering my adolescence and the fading away of imagination and play and the beginning of early adulthood.  Play was for kids.  Computers were for real.

This growing older also brought the second thing to change me, puberty.  Playing with toys, no matter how cool, took a distant backseat to the primal and novel feelings and urges that started pushing through my body and taking no prisoners.  I regressed from the development of technology in a way and started to grow into my primal sexual male self. 

Since those early computer days, these machines became part of my daily life  and were tools more than imaginative play escapes (until the internet came along, but that is a different story).   I used a typewriter when I entered college to write my papers.  I had a 280 PC by the end of that degree to print out my papers.  That computer was a tool and not much more.

The touch screen has taken over in so many electronics in the past decade.  The iPhone, iPad, and even the automated checkout counter at my local grocery store use touchscreens.  I love the speed and simplicity of these machines and the elastic capabilities that can completely change the use of the device by simply opening a different screen and using something new.  While I use these devices everyday, I am starting to miss those simple, early technological devices that had tactile physical responses from being pressed.  I miss the simplicity of one button controlling one thing.  Maybe that is one reason I love my Nikon dSLR over my iPhone and point and shoot digital cameras.  I push the shutter release and can feel it sink into the camera body and then both feel and hear the shutter release and reset allowing the light from the image to be recorded.  One motion, one action, one function. To paraphrase Obi Wan - An elegant technology... for a more civilized age."
 

NY again

Unique Forms of Continuity in Space - Umberto Boccioni - MoMA - 112211

I got back Monday from a four night trip to New York.  This was not a work trip, nor a photography class trip.  This was a "me" trip.

During my extended break of the last two months,  I traveled with and to see family twice.  I got to do a lot of alone traveling up to Montana, but the family was part of it.  I needed this trip, my trip.  My trip to be alone and let myself choose the paths of the day.  I had to take this trip because I probably wont have a block of time off like this ever again.  I rarely take big trips for myself. 

My hotel was near Penn Station on 29th St.  Nothing fancy, but was clean, had free breakfasts, and convenient to multiple subways.  I went to many museums, walked all over the city in beautiful autumn weather, visited a few places again that I needed to feel a part of and explored a few new ones.

I did not give myself any city photographic assignments while their except one. I knew I was going to see lots of the city so I was sure I would photograph something.  I visited one neighborhood with a special name that I wanted to visit for years.   My one photographic city theme I self-assigned was personal, deeply personal.

I photographed two models separately, Megan and Valya.  Valya referred Megan for a special project I am working on.  We had a short thirty minute session where I got what I needed.  Megan did a great job and was pleasant to work with.

My session with Valya was an artistic gift, as always.  I will post a few photos from our session and write about it in a few days.

This trip turned very personal for me during my wanderings about town.  I had time to think of the city, my life, my choices, and who I am.  I didn't get many answers, but at least I found some questions I can stop asking.  I also realized that somethings are still too close to push into the past.

I left Monday to return home.  As I got into the taxi to go to JFK, I realized I was at a border moment of my own.  I had to either go home to San Francisco that moment or I would need to leave my California life, and all it held, and lose myself in the sea of anonymity and clean slates that New York could provide.  At that moment, I thought about cancelling the cab and walking away to disappear.  New York does that to me.

New York isn't self destructive for me.  Every time I go there I get pulled into a world where no one knows me, has expectations of me, or really even cares about me.   We all coexist, weaving in and out of each others' lives on the sidewalks, in the subways, and through out our days in the city.  Even though we see each other and may even say something like "excuse me", our lives will probably never intersect again and the mutual anonymity keeps our hearts quiet and private.   In a way, that is more liberating than anything I have felt in my life - to feel the world let go of me and just let me be.

10 years on

Coney Island - 091111

I could reflect on September 11th, 2001 and share what I did that day, what I felt, experienced and lived through.  My memories are old though and can't be trusted to be true.  To be honest, what I did that day, what I felt, experienced and lived through doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.  We all lived through it and have our own stories which probably only have meaning to us.

I could write on how my world changed with two wars, increased security (and fear and paranoia), and the broken political system we live in, but you already know it, just listen to the shouting heads on tv.  We lost the united resolute ethos within a few years so that much is over.  Besides, Bin Laden is dead.

I could commend the bravery of the firefighters, police officers, and soldiers who gave their all on that day and in the wars since, but we already know of their heroism.  They should be honored and anything I say would add nothing to the mountains of sentiment going toward them.

A few years ago I heard a presentation from an eighty-something year old woman. Every year she swims a race from Alcatraz to San Francisco. The race is over a mile long in cool waters with a current pulling the swimmers out into the Pacific. She told us that during the race she flips over and backstrokes to rest and use other muscles. During that time she looks back at where she came from, Alcatraz. She has learned though if she becomes to fixated on it, the current will pull her off course, so she has to continually look around and forward again to keep her bearing. Before she ended her talk she gave me some of the best advice about living.

"It is OK to look back at the past, just don't stare."

On this anniversary, I choose to remain quiet, live my life, try to create something, do yard work, and move on trying to ease the pains in my body, heart, soul, and mind that are distant and recent.  Maybe that is the lesson of all of this for me.  Never forget, but keep moving on. 

NYC - You can go back, but don't expect to it to have waited for you.

View from my room - 081311

New York changes me every time I go there.  This time was no different.  During the days I had to do my daily job in a northern New Jersey town.  In the evenings I went into the city four times.  Most of the side trips to the city were influenced by my life-changing trip last summer in two ways.  First, I went to a few places I wanted to get to, but didn't get the chance.  Second, I went to see or revisit a few things that brought back happiness, mixed emotions, and taught me a few important life lessons.

Last summer there were three places I wanted to go to, but missed for a variety of reasons. The first was Times Square.  The second was to visit Strand Books in Manhattan.  The third was Brooklyn.

Strand Books - 081311

How can anyone who visits New York miss Times Square?  During my last visit some of my group went to it while I visited  30 Rockefeller Center while walking to the MoMA.  I went under Times Square at least three times on subway trains and transferred to other trains.  Many of my classmates got there and created amazing night images.  It felt like those tv shows where two people keep almost meeting and something interrupts or misguides them away.  I made it there my first night.  Three things about Times Square - lots and lots of giant screens and lights, tons of tourists, and now the great New Years Eve party makes sense to me.  I brought a great tiny point and shoot camera that I hadn't learned all the tricks with so my pictures of it are meh.  I want to go back to it because it has a the same simulacra feel of Las Vegas, which I also love.  I love seeing such effort put up to create a false facade.  Times Square is another great metaphor for life.

Strand Books is the largest physical bookstore I've been in.  I love books, but I am no bibliophile.  This place would be a sacred pilgrimage if I was one.  There is one large floor dedicated just to art books.  The photography section is overwhelming.  The erotic art section is larger than  the local Barnes and Nobles' complete art section.  In that section I bought the Taschen photo book La Petite Mort by Will Santillo.  I couldn't resist after I read the line, "If orgasm is the little death, is masturbation the little suicide?"

Valya - 081311

Brooklyn was a view across the river that I never visited last summer.  We went to Coney Island on the far side of it, but never explored the heart of the borough.  This time I spent part of an excellent and artistically enriching afternoon visiting with a friend.  (The visit with my friend will be covered in my next post.  Look at the photo on the right for a sneak peek.)  I walked around the Jamaican neighborhood for a while.  I couldn't help comparing it to Manhattan and thinking "minutes away, worlds apart".  This residential area doesn't have the glamorous charm of Manhattan.  It is a rougher area with a vibe and feel to it that make it tangible.  The music coming from the windows, the talks on the stoops, and the energy made me want to spend an evening there getting to know this rich neighborhood a little better.  Sadly though, I had to go and try to catch my plane out in Newark and had to leave all too soon.  I will be back.

Dinner Outside - 081311

As mentioned I also visited a few places I had been to before.  First up was B&H Photo on 9th Street.  It is my photography store Mecca.  I've bought four or five cameras there including my newest acquisition, an am/pro HD camcorder.  I want to experiment with moving images and need one before my big trips this fall.  I highly recommend B&H.  They are very helpful, friendly and non-pushy.  They know their stuff too.

After leaving B&H I had to go to the Empire State Building.  I plan a personal post about this icon of New York.  For now though I had to touch it.  I had to make sure that both it and I are still grounded. This beautiful building towers over all its neighbors.  It towers over me and is so significant compared to me.  I will always remember and revere it, but I am sure it is not aware of me or my connection to it.  More on this behemoth of a charged building later.

Times Square - 081311

How did New York change me?  I am still sorting that out.  One thing I learned though is that I've changed greatly since the last time I was there.  In so many areas I've flown high and I have also crashed and burned.  This has been a hell of a year.

In New York, everyone is a small individual in a great big whole.  Every person is their own story, but almost no one notices each other.  They just pass by and let the story move on.  There are an insanely overwhelming number of stories just on one block.  Sometimes they bump into each other for better and for worse, but sadly end up moving away, losing the connection that the city allowed them.  As melancholic as that sounds, I love New York City for its beauty and pain more each time.  Love is a complex beast.  It both builds you and tears you down.  Everyone has the choice to fall in love so I guess the beauty and beast of it all are self-induced pleasures and pains. 

Foreplay... I mean foray in New York

NYC- 080511

I leave Sunday on a work trip to Hoboken, NJ and will be there for most of a week.  I will have to spend most of each day in the NJ office, but my goal is to get into the city at least two nights while there.

This is going to be a scouting trip, or foreplay, for my bigger trip there in late October or early November when I will spend part of my sabbatical soaking in the great city.  I plan to photograph the hell out of it again on that trip.  I hope to meet up with old friends, like Valya and Moon, and make a few new ones as well.  It is going to be good for my art, soul, and happiness.  God, I love that city.

I've written a bit about that city and the big trip I had there last year.  There are beautiful, fun, and exciting memories that still make me smile.  There are a few that hold a special place in my heart that are beautiful, painful, and important to me.  No other city has had this effect on me.

Next week's trip is going to be just a tease for me.  One goal is to finally visit Times Square.  I know it is cliche to go there, but I have to see it at least once in my life.  I traveled under it numerous times last year getting to other subway stations, but never went up to see it.

I will bring a small point-n-shoot digital to capture ideas for the big trip.  I love a little tease before the big event.

I left my heart in NYC... last year. Part 3 - Valya

Valya - 0621111

On my penultimate night, I met up with Valya, a model from Brooklyn.  We had discussed concepts ahead of time and got to creating photos right away.  Valya gave me her best stuff to photograph.  One of her many qualities I appreciated were her nuanced emotions and expressions that while subtle, told volumes.

Valya had a photo shoot in Baltimore that morning, caught the train back to New York and met me for our session.  Her work ethic and passion for creating erotic, conceptual art and experimenting at the end of a full day shows how important this is to her.

This ends my small series reminiscing on my trip to New York last year.  Goddamn, I love that city, its museums, buildings, culture, attitude and the people I met and created art with there.  My fellow students, instructor, Valya and Moon, and the thousands of characters in my own New York love story that I saw every day made it a life-changing trip.  Thanks.


Valya's Blog - Highly recommended.

I left my heart in NYC... last year. Part 2 - Walking

Courtney - NYC Library - 061911

 You have to walk around to get to know a little bit more about New York.  We walked through upper, mid and lower Manhattan.  We strolled through Greenwich Village, Chelsea, SoHo, Central Park, Little Italy, the Highline Trail, Queens, Coney Island, to every art museum, and to a few bars.  We walked to almost every restaurant, choosing them by their menu posted outside.

Chelsea walk - 061911

Near the high line - 061911

Near SoHo - 061911

Greenwich Village - 061911

Harlem - 061911

I left my heart in NYC... last year. Part 1 - Moon Marie

Moon - 061711a

I know Tony Bennett sings a different belief of where his heart is, but my mine is in NYC.  It has been one year since I went there with a class for a week long adventure.  Over the next few days I will post a few new pics from that trip.  For today's post I want to reflect on my work with Moon Marie.

On my third night I worked with the great model, Moon Marie.  We tried many different settings, poses, themes and intents.  I appreciated her attention to detail, staging and direction.  During the first break, I realized I shot the first hour at the wrong ISO - 2500.  She was very agreeable to stay an extra hour to redo some of the shots.  Her professional attitude made it a pleasure to work with and her enthusiasm for trying new things made the session fun.

Moon - 061711b

I am not sure if I like the black and white or color versions of this photo.  One thing for sure, Moon is a beauty.

Moon's blog - I am honored one of our photos is there.  

"She could taste trouble on my mouth"

barbed wire - 061511

Troublesome Houses by Bonnie Prince Billy came up on my Pandora station a few months back.  I missed half the lyrics before I started listening to it.  After jotting the song name down I downloaded it later that night.

Even though this was my first exposure to this song, Z, over at Any Fucking Day (a great blog), introduced me to this great musician.  I highly recommend you listen to his music.  Pretty good stuff.

Troublesome Houses

I once loved a girl, but she couldn't take that I visited troublesome houses. She'd say, when I got home, to leave her alone. She could taste trouble on my mouth. When she was gone I missed her, I did...and still went to troublesome places. I couldn't withstand a glorious day without seeing these troublesome faces. And quiet eluded me, and keeps from me still, though I need my own bed and it's solace. Day's noises steal in and copper my will, and I face the evils that follow us. I once had a house, and my family knew where to find me if ever they needed. Troublesome houses were foreign to them. They thought all papa's orders I heeded. Now they can't fnd me; they don't have my numbers, and just hear reports of my doings. Troublesome houses are not in their minds, though it's in those I do all my moving.

A f*#$*@g website

Jacqui and Truck - 060811

I have a goal to build a website this month, or at least get it going.  So many things to consider: commercial sales of prints? blog? how many photos? how many portfolios? which photos? how personal? artist's statement? links to others? do I offer portrait services? colors? fonts? logos? aaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

Not the worst things in the world to worry about.

I need one to showcase my art.  Many people ask to see it and I need to share it more.  The next question is which photos?  Nudes, erotics, landscapes, editorial, conceptual, travel, portraits... I could keep going.  I will only put up the best of my stuff regardless of genre.

Ok.  This is a boring post.  The picture of Jacqui is good though.

She Wants Revenge - An Exhibit Exercise

Judith Slaying Holofernes - Artemisia Gentileschi

I got an interesting assignment in my art class last semester.  I had to go to a few local art museums and find a piece I appreciated and build my own "exhibit" around it based on a unifying theme.  The themes could not be an artist (Dali), artistic era (Baroque) or region/country (Italian art).  I had to find pieces of art during the periods we studied and virtually borrow them for our fantasy exhibit.

I went to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art and saw a photo of Andy Warhol's gunshot wound scars taken by Richard Avedon.  After learning about the circumstances behind the shooting, I found my theme, women who seek vengeance.

I decided the women could be real, fictional, or mythical and be represented in paintings, sculpture, film, or any other artistic medium.  The artists could be men or women.  I found it interesting though how male and female artists depict their avenging ladies.  Artemisia Gentileschi's three paintings of the biblical Judith story as she beheads Holofernes has passion and conviction in the justice of the moment.  Artemisia was one of the few successful Italian Baroque woman painters.  She was raped and treated poorly afterward (belittled, tortured, and commoditized) early in her adulthood.  Did that influence the anger and disdain you see in Judith's face?  Please compare it to the painting of the same story by Caravaggio.

Now, on to the show.

She Wants Revenge

a fictional exhibit

She Wants Revenge

This exhibit shares with the viewer the theme of women seeking violent revenge or punishment on those who wronged them.  The reasons for the revenge could be stolen loves, betrayal of trust, political differences, or rejection.

While all of the works have one or more avenging women, most of the pieces were created by men.  You are encouraged to look at each piece and consider the story, the characters and the artists and performers to compare how feminine vengeance has been portrayed for the past 500 years.

1. Judith Slaying Holofernes 1614 - 1620, 2. Judith and Her Maidservant with the Head of Holofernes 1625  3. Judith and her Maidservant 1613-1614
Artist: Artemisia Gentileschi
Media: Oil on Canvas Painting
Movement: Italian Baroque
Location: 1. Museo Nazionale di Capodimonte, Napoli Italy, 2. Palazzo Pitti, Florence 3. The Detroit Institute of the Arts.
Images Sources: Wikipedia

Judith beheading Holofernes - Caravaggio

Medusa’s Head on Athena’s Shield - 1595-1596
Artist: Caravaggio
Media: Oil Painting
Location: Florence
Movement: Italian Baroque
Image Source: wikipedia
Notes: Medusa was born and grew into a ravishingly beautiful woman.  She was a priestess in Athena’s temple.  She and Poseidon, “God of the Sea”, slept together in Athena's temple.  Athena became angry and changed Medusa's beautiful hair into snakes and her face so horrid that her onlookers would turn to stone.  After Persues beheaded Medusa, and he put her head on Athena’s shield as a weapon.

1. The Sons of Niobe Being Slain by Apollo and Diana 1660 -1670, 2. Death of Niobe's Children 1591  3. Les Enfants de Niobe tués par Apollon et Diane  - 1770
Artist: 1. Jan de Bisschop, 2. Abraham Bloemaert, 3. Anicet Charles Gabriel Lemonnier
Media: 1. Brown wash over black chalk, 2. Oil on Canvas 3, Huile sur papier
Movement: 1. Dutch Baroque, 2. Dutch Baroque (Northern Mannernisms), 3. Romantic
Location: 1. The J. Paul Getty Museum , Los Angeles, 2. Statens Museum of Kunst, Copenhagen 3.Musée des Beaux-Arts de Rouen, Rouen.
Images Sources: 1. The J. Paul Getty Museum , 2. PD Art 3. PD Art
Notes: As punishment to Niobe, queen of Thebes, for being arrogant, Greek deities Diana and Apollo killed her seven sons and seven daughters from above with bows and arrows.

Maria la Chiquita (Maria the Little One) - 1897
Artist: Jose Guadalupe Posada
Media: Engraving on metal
Location: Posada 36 Grabados, Mexico City
Movement: Mexican Modernist
Image Source: http://www.artoftheprint.com/artistpages/posada_jose_guadalupe_maria.htm
Notes: Maria Villa (prostitute name  - La Chiquita) was a high class prostitute in Mexico City.  On her days off,  she went out with her steady boyfriend Francisco.  He starts seeing another prostitute, Esperanza Gutierrez (prostitue name La Malagueña).  La Chiquita saw them at a restaurant.  In her anger she felt La Malagueña had insulted her honor.  In revenge, she went to La Malagueña’s apartment, words were exchanged and La Chiquita shot her.  As a twist, she used Francisco’s pistol, which he entrusted to her for safe keeping while he went out drinking and to keep him out of trouble.  In her trial she acknowledged the murder as a defense of her honor.  In this engraving, she is standing as if in a duel.  She received 20 years in prison since women were not sentenced to death in Mexico.

Chicago "He had it coming"- 2002
Director: Robert Marshall
Media: Movie
Location/Image Source: Miramax Films
Genre: Musical/Noir

Andy Warhol - 1969
Photograph by Richard Avedon
Movement: Documentary/Post Modern
Location: Surveillance Exhibit - SF MoMA - Spring 2011
Notes: Andy Warhol touching the scar on his belly where Valerie Solanis shot him after he rejected her manuscript.



Kill Bill 2 - 2004 (Opening scene, Beatrix and Superman, Bill’s Death)
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Media: Movie
Location/Image Sources: A Band Apart Films
Genre: Exploitation, homage

No news is... no news.

Rome - 041711

I gave up following the news for Lent.  I used to listen to NPR for at least 2 hours per day, read numerous news and opinion websites and followed other sources of information as well.   For the past few weeks my only news sources have been what friends tell me, what I get from NPR's game show, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, and the occasional Daily Show with Jon Stewart or Colbert Report.

Here are the big things I missed.  Charlie Sheen craziness.  Japan's tragic earthquake and tsunami, the budget wars, some Wisconsin state supreme court race, rising gas prices, and more culture wars.  I've learned a few things.  I really don't need to know every bit of news concerning most every topic in the world.  So many of them are beyond my power and really have no impact on me, nor I on them.  As Paul Simon wrote in the song, The Only Living Boy in New York:

I get the news I need on the weather report.
I can gather all the news I need on the weather report.
Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile.
Da-n-da-da-n-da-da-n-da-da here I am
The only living boy in New York

Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where,
And we don't know where.

Here I am..........

I can't help Charlie Sheen and by following every drop of news about him, I am only feeding the frenzy.  I can't do anything about the budget.   I heard about Japan's tragedy through friends and I can help by sending donations to the Red Cross, but I didn't need the news to help me figure that one out.  As for gas prices, I really can't do a thing about that except try to use less of it.

Come Easter Sunday, I will get out from under my news-free rock and start learning about the world.  I know I need to keep current with the world, but not at the expense of too much "currency".  This "currency" is sanity, lack of influence, helplessness, depression, and too many things that have nothing to do with me.

Painting, Music or Theater? Which type of art is photography related to?

Candace Nirvana On Set - 040311

"Photography has been, and still, tormented by the ghost of Painting...   ... nothing eidetically distinguishes a photograph, however realistic, from a painting.  'Pictorialism' is only a an exaggeration of what the Photograph thinks of itself.

Yet it is not (it seems to me) by Painting that Photography touches art, but by Theater.   Photography is a kind of primitive theater, a kind of Tableau Vivant, a figuration of the motionless and made-up face beneath which we see the dead." Camera Lucida, Roland Barthes, pps30-31.

What is a parallel type of art to photography?  While few still argue that photography is not art, we must look at what are photography's family (parents, siblings or even distant cousins) in the art world.  Paintings?  Sculpture?  Prose?  Music?  Theater?

It is obvious to compare photography to paintings.  The physical properties of a photograph are very similar to  paintings.  They are both two dimensional representations of something.  They both are flat and often in frames.   Photos and paintings are both hung and presented on walls.  Both can also be appropriated for other purposes.

While these similarities are obvious, we must not solely focus on them.   Ansel Adams compared the photographic negative and print to music:

The negative is comparable to the composer's score and the print to its performance. Each performance differs in subtle ways. - Ansel Adams

With this analogy, I appreciate the dual processes needed to create both music and photographs.  In music, I must compose the music and then perform it for others to hear.  Depending on my mood, proficiency, the audience, music hall, and other important ingredients, each performance is a unique reproduction of the score.

In photography, I must work on composing all the key elements of the photo and capture it to film or a memory card.  In the post processing work, I take that composition and make it perform as per my intention, purpose, and vision of the piece of art I am creating.  If you look at Adams' prints he made from the same negatives that he created when he was younger and then again in his later years, you see completely different performances.  He emphasized different parts of the photo, darkened areas, added contrast, and changed the mood of each piece.  I can relate to that change in performance when I go to the darkroom and make prints from my old negatives.  My current life, mood, technique, affect the final print and what I need to get out of it.

Another metaphor regarding changes in performance concerns sexual practices.  I doubt many people have the exact same sexual repertoire, appreciations, desires, pleasures, and annoyances at twenty as they will have at forty, sixty, or any other age.  The general concept of sex (the composition) is the same, but the performance reflects the time/age/mood/partner of the performer.

Candace Nirvana and Dali - 040311

Can we compare photography to sculpture?  It is not as obvious as paintings.  Sculptures are three dimensional.  As I walk around the sculpture, the light shifts and falls differently on the art.  The perspective is different.  How can photography capture this.  Outside of high-tech 3D imaging, the comparisons are hard to find.  First, I could take a 360 degree panorama, print it and tape the beginning and end together into a ring.  When I stand in the center and turn around, I am seeing a 3D view around me.  I could also take photos of an object from multiple views and by presenting them in an ordered series, represent the 3D in 2D.   I've photographed models with 2D photos projected onto them giving curve, texture, and depth to the original image as it becomes the "skin" of the model.  I am not too fond of this comparison of sculpture and photography, but would be interested in learning if others have expanded this concept.

What about the written word as an artistic cousin to photography?  Prose?  Literature?  Journalism? Poetry? Essays?  Each of these written outputs can be art.  How is photography going to capture a type of art that is only visual in the letters printed on the page?  It is our brain that must take the written text and make it "visual".  This can be very difficult.  How many times have we lamented that the movie was not as good as the book?  That is because we were able to visualize the written story in our mind and make it come alive.  When you see a movie adaptation, you are seeing another person's vision of the written words.

What about "a picture is worth a thousand words?"  My counter argument to that is the picture came first and the thousand words are used to describe it.  On top of that, my thousand words may be very different than yours in that description.

In my opinion, text is the clearest communicative form of art.  It is easy to get lost in the meaning of a poem, a line by Shakespeare, but overall, language is used as the most direct and efficient method of communicating something.  

The Assassination of Robert Kennedy - photo by Boris Yaro

Communication is conveyed through photography.  The famous image of a busboy holding the fatally wounded Robert Kennedy photographed by Boris Yaro conveys the weight and tragedy of the moment.   A newspaper could easily report, "Robert Kennedy was assassinated today."  That is as direct as language can be.  The difference in the communication between text and photos though lies in the gaps filled in the minds of each reader or viewer.  The words are direct and inform you of the facts and then your mind spins where ever it goes.  The photo shows the scene of the moment.  You see the shock on the busboys face, the death of an American giant, and you feel you are a witness to the tragedy.  It doesn't necessarily inform you as much as it makes you a witness.  Both methods communicate, but the received messages are so different.  The text is obvious and the photo takes "a thousand words."

In Roland Barthes' book,  Camera Lucida,  he makes the comparison quoted above of photography being closer to art through theater than through painting.  It wasn't until I read the following bit did I understand it:

"Photography is a kind of primitive theater, a kind of Tableau Vivant, a figuration of the motionless and made-up face beneath which we see the dead." (emphasis mine)

Whether I watch a play, the news, a movie, or any other form of cinema, theater, or television, I am watching a performance that someone has written, performed, or captured for me to absorb.  The news is an edited story or performance.  The characters may have no clue they are part of the production, but the director, camera operator, and reporters decided they now are.  The same is true for "reality TV", game shows, and other forms of adhoc performance.  Fictional television programming, movies, and theater  are obviously contrived stories that are being performed, edited, and rehearsed for the viewers consumption.

Candace Nirvana/Death Valley - 040311

How does this relate to photography?  First, a movie is a series of photos strung in chronological order that convey the sense of motion, action and story.  So, my one of my photos is a moment taken from time that had a history and future before and ahead of it.  In that photo, I have a caste of characters, whether they are people, animals, cars, mountains, birds, or even barbed wire.  Every component is a character telling part of the photo's story.  They are part of the ensemble that makes an image art.  This is true irregardless of the genre of the photo (documentary, journalism, conceptual, erotic, narrative, etc.).

Candace Nirvana/Death Valley - 040311

This capturing of a moment, whether fictional and created through props, image manipulation, or "real" recording a moment in history comes from a complex process of capturing all the seen onto a chemical/digital medium.  It is then refined through physical and chemical or computer assisted manipulation to create a finished piece that may be considered art.  When filming a movie, all things are same, except the final performance has a flowing temporal presence filled with sound, movement, music, and spoken words.  A play director, working with a team of specialists, create scenery, stage, and setting and then directs the actors through rehearsals until he feels the story is ready to be shared with the public through performance.  It takes many physical, real elements to make a movie or play a reality, as does a photo.

This is the part of the comparison that relates most with Barthes' statement for me.  A painter creates the whole story out of his mind by making brush strokes, mixing colors, textures, and shaping the whole image upon the canvas.  She may have combined her memory of a person, an object, and many other elements from her mind and rendered them as she sees fit on the surface, while a photographer had to physically gather all the elements, direct them, place them, and finally capture them.  At this point the photographer is more of a theater director for a frozen moment than she is a creator of a two dimensional piece.  Even in the post production work of photo editing, the photographer is accentuating or muting elements of what is already there, much like a film editor.  The photographer  can't just add more content unless she goes and creates it, photographs it, and then edits it in*.  A painter can paint over something and change the piece at her pleasure or intent.


So Karl, what of this new realization of photography being closer in artistic familiarity to theater than painting?

I now have a deeper appreciation for my role as director of the image rather than creator of it.  I can't pull a tree out of thin air and paint it into a photo and still have it remain a photo*.  I have to acquire all the "actors" in the scene, block out the stage placement, determine lighting, color, tonality and then capture the one instant conveying everything that must be communicated.

The role of photographer is even more challenging (for me) when I am photographing a fluid, uncontrolled moment, such as a wedding, street life, or un-staged life moments.  I have to wait for all the random bits to come together into complete photo that tells all I need it to.  Henri Cartier Bresson was a master of capturing this "definitive moment".

Valya 040311

I've found my best work is a mixture of capturing the scripted, directed scene and photographing an organic moment that is evolving from my initial direction.  When I worked independently with Courtney, Mollee, Candace, Valya, Tim, Jacqui and many other models, we discussed the initial start point and key moments I wanted along the way and then each of them created the rest of the story and I captured it.  If I compare the finished results with my original concept of how the images would look, they match up in story and purpose, but the unique surprises of the moment, small deviations from concept and the model's individual interpretation of the part make each photo a unique and creative captured glimpse of the scene. 

For me, photography is capturing the (as I understand it) world, grand, majestic and huge, or small, subtle and understated, and all areas between in a frozen moment.  It captures this theater, whether it is fictional or not.  It captures the time-frozen artifact so we can truly live in the moment and figure out what it means to us. 

* I am not going to go into photo manipulation that is so involved that it becomes photo illustration through adding whole new elements, replacing them, or deleting them completely from the photo.  At that point, the analogy of photography being closer to a painting may make more sense.

NOTE: Thanks to my photography book club for the great discussion on Barthes' Camera Lucida.

Carla continued on with this topic over at What We Saw Today with her views on this post.  Enjoy!