Dusting off a blog... (blows into mic, "Can anyone hear me? Is anyone out there?")

Model Inertia Creeps - 051416

Shit.  It's been almost two years and I am finally blogging here again.  Here is a quick catch-up:

I had a great partner-blog - Shadows Exposed -   that fizzled out due to life changes for both me and my partner.  Those things happen.  After that I got away from blogging and focused on my own health and figuring out how to make art again.  I'd hit some emotional walls and needed to figure out what I wanted to create.

I am back and this is now my main blog for all my nude work.

This photo is of the great Inertia Creeps from the Bay Area.   I will write more about her, but she is an amazing model and photographer.

Chat more soon. 

Does seeing a nude photo of a dude make me gay?

5th and 51st, NYC  061314

I recently read a friend's writing on how overall there are few artistic photos of nude men, but there is a recent trend of male celebrities doing "implied nudes" or slightly covered nudes.  It got me to thinking why there are few nude art photos of men.  My thoughts of this have evolved from the obvious to a more nuanced and even bigoted reasons there are so few photos of nude men compared women. 

In the past, I felt the reason was that men have external bits compared to women.  The obvious penis draws the eye instantly and seems much more extreme than just being able to see the pubic hair of women.  It makes us see him as not only nude, but naked.  If he has anything more than a purely flaccid penis, it adds so much more charge to the image.  A woman's arousal is much less immediately obvious visually.

Recently, I've evolved my thoughts on this topic.  My new thoughts come from the realities conveyed in photography vs. paintings and other media.  There are many paintings and statues of nude men, many showing penises, some even have erections.  It is a different world for photography.

Let's say I recreated through photography a classic painting that had a nude male.   During this recreation, I match color, lighting, even the model looks as identical as possible.  I am willing to say that photo would be judged more harshly because of the reality of photography.

If I paint someone, I am taking what is perceived in my brain, through my eyes, and then I transfer to the canvas with brushes and paint.  It has been reduced in realism by being filtered through my brain and hand.  People feel a disconnect to the subject as being real because they know I could have changed any details, grand or subtle, due to the freedom of a blank canvas.  They know this is how I saw and recreated it, not a direct capture of the moment.

If I photograph that person, you are seeing a literal visual recording of that person.  We trust photographs to be true (even though Photoshop is causing us to question that now) at a logical and instinctual level.  That "realness" makes us feel an immediate connection as a witness to the moment, not just a viewer of a recreation.

Now, let us take that to photographing nudes versus painting them.  If I paint a nude, it means I could of used a photo as inspiration or had a live art model in front of me, or just recreated a memory or a creation from the ether of my mind.   If I photograph a nude, that means I was in the same room, the same moment with that model.  It is proof!  It brings up questions of my intent, my interactions, my relationship with the model.  It is much more personal.

Let us now say it is a male versus female.  We get into the physical external and visible parts while not seeing the internal parts.  We are seeing a real penis vs a woman's pubic hair is much more obvious in a photo than a painting.  This photo then feels and is perceived as real.  What does that mean?  It means I am making the viewer share a moment with that naked model and his nudity.  This can make many people, especially men who are uncomfortable with homosexuality, and anything that could feel "gay", even if the photo is not erotic.

Now I am going to go to a recent non-art world example.  Video and photos make us feel intimately close to the subject.  When Michael Sam, an openly gay football player, found out he was drafted by the St. Louis Rams he kissed his boyfriend in celebration.  So many people thought it was disgusting and that Sam was forcing his "gay lifestyle" into their faces.  It was too real for them to handle.  If it had been a cartoon or a painting of their kiss, it may not have been as shocking to some.  The double standard though is that if he had a girlfriend and gave her the same kiss, no one would have cared or complained.  For many, this homophobia may live below their conscious level and be more of a visceral, primal reaction that influences their cognitive thinking.

For many, that realism of photography makes them share a space with a naked man (or a football player kissing his boyfriend) and sadly so many can't get past that and just truly evaluate and appreciate the art for what it is.  This is true for nudes of women, but due to so many millions more photos of nude women being out there and also with less perceived feelings of threat by their nudity, the feelings may feel more directed as wanting a connection to the female models*.

Maybe someday we will see enough nude men that those of us threatened by internal homosexual phobias and bigoted beliefs that lay below our conscious minds will get past our initial reactions.  I hope this is changing sooner than I think it really is. 

 *Please note, I am only scratching the surface of how women are objectified in all aspects of our culture and also how it is accepted as "normal".  I don't mean to diminish or trivialize those issues, challenges, and problems.

Fourth time is also a charm.

Candace Nirvana - 010214

Late last month I got the opportunity to create with Candace Nirvana again for the fourth time.  She has moved to the Bay Area and owns/runs the studio, Lighthouse in Berkeley.  On top of setting up many Meetup events with a focus on education and art with nudes, she also is behind the camera creating amazing work much more often.   I am blessed to have her model for me since she is getting very selective of her work in front of the camera.

Candace Nirvana - 010214

I have a number of photos to push through.  You can also see a few more from this shoot at my partnership blog, Shadows Exposed.

Happy New Year everyone.

Candace Nirvana - 010214

PS - Candace is the first nude model that I've worked with four times.  I greatly appreciate her quiet grace and elegance she always shares with me.

"Hey sexy, nice ass..." and other objectifications

Earlier this year I posted photos from my other blog, shadowsexposed.com, about an art series I created titled, I objectify women (IOW).    In it I present my thoughts on how I objectify women through my art.  For me, there are many different types and degrees of objectification of another human.

IOW Jacqui - gel transfer onto old cotton shirt - 102413

This morning I read an article at Slate.com about the artist Hannah Price who photographed men that cat-called her while she walked the streets of Philadelphia.  I suggest you look at the photos and read the article.  I found that her photos are brilliant in how they transgress the sexist boundaries of cat calls by not returning them with a sharp retort.  She both humanizes the cat callers and also objectifies them in a way.  From what little I learned of her series she engaged the cat callers in dialogue and took their portraits.  I wonder if this has changed their attitudes about their verbal outbursts?  Hopefully.

IOW Jacqui - gel transfer onto old cotton shirt - 102413

Ms. Price is exposing one of the many types of objectification.  Cat calls can be range from pretty subtle (yet in their way still very intrusive) like, "Smile for me, beautiful" to horrifically vulgar, degrading and threatening.  I guess that is true of many types of objectification.

All of this makes me wonder on the intent of the objectifiers.  I think there are a few major categories of objectifiers.

1. They (and society) know they are doing it and it is accepted as normal by most.  This is the most common with advertising, movies, television, etc.  There are dangers still, but until society shifts, it will be there.

2.  They know what they are doing even though it unacceptable to society.  This may be porn, cat calls, comments on forums, jokes, created art, materials, etc.  Much of this stuff has to be kept underground or on special interest websites.  Depending on the content, it may be protected under free speech, but maybe considered dangerous or directly threatening to the "othered".  Some are ashamed they do these things, others do it blatantly and may have ill intent behind them.

3. They don't know it is objectification (both at the individual and societal levels).  I am guilty of this.  Many times it is subconscious, yet pretty pervasive (and may also be perverted?).    Examples of this are the male (and female gaze), unconscious thoughts, jokes, and other subtle and not-so subtle manifestations.

I believe that objectification will always be part of our world and that not all forms of objectification are bad.  Sometimes they are necessary filters to get information quick and make decisions.  The major danger though is when they become the only form of information we gather about the objectified and also how we treat and interact or act upon them.

Variety

Fae DeCay - 012413

I watched the documentary, Thinking XXX.  It chronicles the making of a photo series by Timothy Greenfield-Sanders where he takes two portraits of porn stars (male, female, gay and straight porn), one clothed, one nude.   Much of the movie has the stars talking about the industry.  It also has rich commentary and analysis by John Waters and Gore Vidal.  In it, Gore Vidal shared this great thought on porn and the human condition.

We never seem to tire at looking at naked bodies.  That is true, but they always have to be new ones. Gore Vidal from the movie Thinking XXX.

This quote has two great features, the hook and then the yank of the hook.  In the hook or the first part, he describes how we endlessly enjoy viewing the nude.  I enjoy looking at the nude form.  I prefer female nudes, but appreciate male nudes as well.  For centuries, artists, and many creators lacking artistic intent,  captured the nude form through paintings, sculptures, photography, writing, etc.  We can't help but look when confronted.  For me, I enjoy seeing not only the nude form, but how the artist captured it.

Ludovica Albertoni Cetera - Bernini - my photo 012413

Ludovica Albertoni Cetera - Bernini - my photo 012413

The master sculptors Bernini and Rodin both captured nudes, but in different ways.  The almost-photo realism of the Bernini's art makes me want to touch it and feel the real moment captured.  I want to feel St. Teresa's  ecstasy.  I can almost feel the passion, fear, and arousal in his masterpiece, "The Rape of Prosperpina" where you can see how his hands are pressing into the flesh of her thigh.   As for Rodin, he is not so much a realist as much as sharing the raw emotions and behaviors of the moment.  Whether it is the elegant simpleness of "The Kiss" or the sultry passion of the "Lovers, 1911" or the torn and conflicted pain of "The Tragic Muse" (one of my favorites), I am feeling what is being represented in the work.   I not only want to, desire to, and seek these nudes out, I must see them.  I am drawn to them at both the primal animal self and the intellectual appreciative self as well.

The Tragic Muse - Rodin - Photographer unknown

This desire leads to the second part, the yank and setting of the hook in Vidal's quote about always needing to see new ones.   Even though I have personal favorites of nude imagery, sculpture,  erotica, porn, etc., I will always want to see new ones - new faces, bodies, stories, and themes.   It is lust, need, and appreciation that I need to look at them and want more.

This desire for change, variety, and novel experiences applies to my art as well.  Once I create and refine an image, or set of images, from a photo shoot with a model, I start getting inspired for the next shoot.  If it is with the same model, I focus on where can we go deeper and change it up.  If it is a new model, what new things will she bring that I haven't seen or created before.  Regardless, I tend to then lose some interest in the work I created and completed and desire the next one, and then the next one.

Am I shallow for continually wanting and not being satisfied with how I create and consume the nude form?  On one hand, this insatiable desire sometimes leads me to feeling it is more of an obsession or thirst that can never be quenched.  On the other hand, if this desire ever stopped or was denied to me, would I become less of who I am?

Wanton, Wanting, Wonton Wednesday

Jolene - 010913

Rain - 010913

Tiana - 010913

Wanton - adjective (of a cruel or violent action) Deliberate and unprovoked.  Noun - A sexually immodest or promiscuous woman.  Verb - Play; frolic.
Wanting - adjective 1. Lacking in a certain required or necessary quality: "their products would be found wanting in a direct comparison"  2. Not existing or supplied; absent.
Wonton - noun - (in Chinese cooking) A small round dumpling or roll with a savory filling, usually eaten boiled in soup.   - Dictionary.com

 I find all three of these words apropos to today.  Each fit a mood, desire, or need for my Wednesday.  Starting from the bottom.

Wonton - For me, there are few soups that taste as good on a cold, rainy day.  It warms the body and soul.  It also helps decongest the sinuses. 

Wanting - I sometimes feel like I am lacking in a certain required or necessary quality.  This hits hard on Wednesdays because the week has evolved far enough to know what must be done, but the realization hits on what I am capable of doing.  I feel like the black horse in this gif today. 

Wanton - I wonder why that word has different meanings, whether as an adjective, noun, or verb.  Other than not being a woman (and why is it only directed at women?), I sometimes feel like all three variations at the same time.   Today I may feel sexually immodest or promiscuous with a desire to play or frolic cruelly.  Ok, that is a bit of a stretch, but I can see that it could happen.

Along with the wanton label, I wonder if I described the ladies in the images as "wanton" or "wanting", how would they be perceived compared to "empowered", "aroused", or "erotic"?

Wow. Seven days in...

Nelson, NV - 010713

... and all those resolutions to simplify and try to go at a healthier pace have vanished already.  Oh well.  I guess my resolution to listen to more music is working though.

Nothing deep here, just winding out my day.  This post should be called, "No Nude Monday.  Here are some recent photos from Nelson, Nevada.  Thanks to Terrell for introducing this place to me.

West of the Colorado River near Nelson, NV - 010713

I can do the occasional landscape if needed.  My thanks to nature for beautiful clouds and earth.

Where have you been?

Tiana - 110912

I've been a busy boy/photographer.  I wont bore you by regaling you with all the arduous details.  The big thing is that I have my photos up in two galleries and a local coffee shop.  They are three very different series out there, so I am proud to have so many different pieces out there.

ECHO Gallery - Calistoga, Ca

I am excited that I am getting my stuff out there.  It feels good that others are seeing them.  While they are my tamer photos, some still have an edge to them.   I need to find venues for sharing my nude/erotic work. 

In other news, I got a new Epson 3880 printer.  There is something rich about holding a physical print rather than just seeing its pixel sibling.

None of this post is too deep or profound.  I need to get into some meaty topics in the near future.  I also hope to have my "I Objectify Women..." series completed in the next month and will have to share some of it here.  There is also the election to write about.  Oh  yeah, erotica, sex, sensuality, and carnal mayhem are always fun too.

 

Java Jax - Vallejo, CA

Java Jax - Vallejo, CA

Photo note - Tiana was a great model.  I hope to work wither her again in the new year.

I love the energy of this song.

Sunshine on my shoulders...

Tiana -  101712

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high. - John Denver

John Denver's somewhat sappy song makes sense at times.  I grew up listening to my mom's John Denver album and always paused to soak in this song.  It wasn't so much that the lyrics had meaning to me, but the Taize nature of the song pacified me for the moment.

If you know me, you know I am not a big fan of standing out in the sun.  I actually hate just standing or sitting in the sun.  It is hot and it makes me cranky.  With that said, there are times though I appreciate turning my face to the source of all organic energy on earth and relishing in its warmth.

The price of branding and exposure.

Valya - 092612

I am in a conundrum.  To become a better artist and to try to make a living from it I have to promote myself more. I appreciate and understand that, but where is the balance?  How much of this exposure is about my product or about my own personal brand?  What is the price of branding and exposure?

A friend gave us an beautiful original platinum print a few years ago of a young Mexican woman standing by a fountain in a plaza.  That is a definite description of the product and could mean the print is worth a few dollars or a few thousand.  With just this description though, I would only pay the lower end of the spectrum.

A friend gave us a beautiful original Edward Weston platinum print of Frida Kahlo.  Just that sentence alone increased the photo's value substantially.  It has two very powerful names with Edward Weston as the photographer and Frida Kahlo as the subject.  It bears both their brands.

When building a personal brand, the creator's personality, accomplishments, failures, challenges, likes and dislikes, and creations are built into the brand.   Think about Edward Weston's brand - black and white modern photographer and pioneer of the art, fine-art nude photographer pioneer, lived in the US and Mexico, often took photos of his lovers or had intimate relationships with his models, part of the California photography movement, co-founder of the Group f/64, and so on.  He was temperamental, had estranged children, and other personal challenges.  All of this has become part of his legend and his brand and helps ensure his art continues to hold or gain value.

Out of all the prints I've sold, I've never heard anyone say, "I own a Sutphin photo."  I would probably hear, "I have a great photo of horses and windmills that I bought from this guy in California."  Only people that know me personally and know my work have a chance of looking at a photo of mine and being able to identify it by style, content, etc., that it is one of mine.  Most others just see the content.   My branding is weak in two ways, no one recognizes my name to my art and no one can look at my art and identify it as mine. 

Rocky Mountain Front near Heart Butte, Blackfoot Indian Reservation, Montana - 092612

The answer appears very simple - get my work and name out there.  Promote, promote, promote.  The cost of it though is what do I associate with my name?   I see I can have at least two very different categories of clients, starting with portraits and erotic fine-art photography.  I doubt my clients for either group really care of or for the other type of work I do.  Do I hide one (probably the nudes) to grow my other brand and business?  Am I ready for my personal history, warts and all, to become part of my brand?  Is my history exciting enough to add to my brand?  I think about this because as someone's notoriety grows, so does his/her exposure and discovery of personal history.  Both my friends/clients and my competition are going to want to know about me if my art star rises.  How will this information of my work and life affect those around me?

It is sad that we can't embrace sexuality, sensuality, and eroticism as an open art form without worrying about fall out from it.  I greatly lament this, but it is the reality and I must figure out my niche and how I can exploit it.  It's easy for me to think I wont worry about what others think of me, but if I want to grow my brand, I need to be concerned about it's value and appearance as well.  As much as I am growing into accepting who I am and trying not to worry what others think, that nagging worry will always be there. 

And the winner is... charisma

False Idols - 092312

"Charisma is a sparkle in people that money can't buy.  It's an invisible energy with visible effects."   - Marianne Williamson

Here is my attempt at a non-political post about the presidential election. I predict President Obama will win and my theory is not based on politics. It has to deal with the personality traits of his challenger.

Mitt Romney doesn't have the personality traits of prior successful presidential candidates that beat an incumbent president. He is not charismatic or communicates a well-articulated vision for the country. I am basing this off my memories of all prior elections I've been conscious of.

'72 - Do you remember who ran against Nixon? George McGovern. I was only three, so I don't have memories of this, but I know McGovern's name is pretty much forgotten in regards to this contest for me.

'76 - Ford was an incumbent and lost to Carter. This was partially due to the taint of Nixon's resignation and Ford's lack of time to build a track record. I throw this one out as a fluke due to the crazy events leading up to it. Carter still won though.
'80 Carter lost to Reagan. Reagan was the most charismatic Republican president in recent history. He had a vision for how he would lead the nation and shared it very effectively.
'84 - Reagan wins over Mondale. Other than Mondale riding on the power of having the first female VP nominee, he lacked charisma and vision.
'88 - No incumbent.
'92 Bush 1 looses to Clinton. Like Reagan, Clinton has plenty of charisma and was very effective in communicating his vision to the country.
'96 Clinton beats Dole. While Dole had a very distinguished military and political career, he didn't show his charisma, charm or vision.
'00 - No incumbent
'04 - Bush 2 beats Kerry. Kerry is not known for charisma or vision.
'08 - No incumbent
'12 - We will see. Romney is no Reagan or Clinton though.

I recognize this over-simplifies the details of prior elections and there were many more influences on the outcomes. With power of celebrity and popularity being such a key part of American culture (American Idol, America's Got Talent, etc.), the power of charisma and vision can't be ignored.

So with this, I bring a close to anything more I want to say about the upcoming elections and the issues/people involved. The current political climate disgusts me and I don't want to add my $.02 of poison into the mix.

The mirror of memory.

Valya - 091312

I looked back in the mirror of memory
for a guide to which lanes are still open
to merge, swerve, and pass in.

The mirror showed me this lane was closed
due to too much time and too little use.
The mirror also showed me that lane was empty
but would take me down a precarious exit.

I looked forward again, through the windshield
of nearing destinations and arrivals,
nudged on the turn signal
and didn't bother to check my blind spot
for those dangers I can't let myself see.

What do you care?

Valya - 091212

What do you care about me?  What do you think about me?  These questions are the basis for many of my behaviors and how I interact with others.  What I chose to let out of my mind and share with others is greatly regulated by my concerns of how I am perceived by others.  That bullshit needs to stop.

I am in therapy.  With that statement, I am opened up to many prejudices, stereotypes, and misconceptions.  I don't really care anymore if people know about it.  I don't wave a therapy flag or force this bit of information in a moment of too-much-information.  I  find it humorous to see their reactions.  They are usually slightly shocked, hold and awkward pause, then very cautiously ask me, "are you ok?" For many, they are concerned, for a few though, the judgements start coming.

Why am I sharing this "devil may care" attitude about my personal life?  It is because of therapy.  During my last few sessions I started discovering that due to my concern of how people view me and by the potential of me letting them down, I am not truly living with the real me.

This self sense of being Mr. Nice Guy and trying not to ruffle feathers, smooth those that are ruffled, and avoidance of delivering bad news has held me back too long.  Because of this I tend to take on too much onto myself when others should be doing their job or make their expectations more realistic.  I lose track of too many tactical, cultural, familial and other types of obligations. I am spending too much time on this shit.

A year or so ago I had a dream where my wife told me "I am not going to help you clean up the façades you built around yourself."  This profoundly hit me and cuts to the core of my tendencies to placate.  I build up all these façades to keep the peace from falling into pieces.

While that revelation is big for me, it took a simple observation from my therapist when I told her of that dream.  "Those narrations in your dreams are written by you, not the person represented in your dreams."  Whoa...  For the past year, I've subconsciously believed that statement represented something from my wife.  While it may be something she believes, it is my projection on her, manifested in a dream.  Since it is my dream script the message is directed at me... from ME. 

I know that should be very evident and elementary in terms of psychology.  I have a degree in the subject.  Unfortuntely, I never thought that those things said in my dreams are my script and messages my soul, spirit, and intellect are trying to convey to me.  I may get inklings of the messages during awake time, but it takes a dream to live those messages.

Out of all of the therapy cliches, here is a big one - the role of my parents in my current psychological health.  I will put that net out wider to include all family, many close friends and coworkers.  For years I've said "yes" to many things while suppressing my real thoughts, ideas, and desires in fear of hurting and disappointing these people.  Once my therapist got this out of me she asked the next huge question --

"How does this affect your art?"

I have two self-identified types of art I create, the secular and "sexular".  The "sexular" is all my nude photos and those images that have overt erotic elements.  The secular is pretty much all my other stuff, portraits, landscapes, commercial work, etc.  If you go to my commercial website, you will find most photos are my secular works except for a harmless, tiny, implied nude of Candace.

Back to my therapist's question, "How does this affect your work?"

For my secular art , I am concerned that the craft and art in it are not strong enough to be appreciated or accepted by those who are important to me (see list above).  I love making these photos.  Most do not have deep contextual artistic meaning, but they are fun and rewarding to make.

For my "sexular" art, I am very concerned by how I am perceived by it.  I've published publicly very little of my work in this area other than on my blog.  I think all this angst over showing this work and how it is important to me to those who may condemn me makes me put up even more façades. 

This subconscious drive most recently manifested in my newest series I am creating - I Objectify Women.  In this series, I am grappling with objectification of women, and how I am part of it.  I am hoping it will help me answer some of my own tough questions and self-doubts.  In the end though, it is becoming a statement piece saying, "This is my art and this is who I am."  Maybe it is time for me to live that mantra in more areas of my life.

"This is my work and this who I am."
"These are my desires and this is who I am."
"This is my sexuality and this is who I am."
"This is my body and this is who I am."

It's time to drop so many of the facades around me.  I need that energy for more important things.

Why are they hidden?*

Valya-090812

"What do I remember about med school?
'This is my air hole (pointing to her nose)
My sound holes (pointing to her ears)
My food hole (pointing to her mouth)
My pee and baby holes (pointing to the front of her pants)
and my poop hole (pointing to her tush)'
All other stuff is related to those holes. " Dr. Sylvia

I got that great quote from one of the physicians I used to work with after asking her a technical medical question.  All the other doctors and nurses in the room laughed as hard as I did.  She pretty much summed up most of internal medicine right there.

 I recently had to train a group of employees about retrieving key information from a drug side-effects database and I came upon two sticking points.  The first was an acronym I didn't know and the second was a medical term for a symptom to multiple potentially dangerous conditions.

I came across the term LMP and had no idea what the acronym represented.  I asked one nurse I work with and he blushed.  I asked his boss, another nurse who is a no-nonsense and just out right said, "LMP - Last Menstrual Period. "  For some dumb reason I blushed.  I knew though I had to get over my blushing since being descriptive is a needed part of medicine.

The second event concerned doing a search on the symptom - "blood present in urine."  I chose this term for a training exercise since it brought up many interesting bits of information from the data base.  One employee warned me that it could be an awkward topic when training fellow global coworkers in certain cultures and locations.  I ended up keeping the term in the class and push through any initial emotional responses from the learners.  In my opinion, its part of our job, get over it.  It wasn't like I was saying the event in crude terms like "blood in your nasty piss".

We all have these body parts.  They all have functions and purposes, yet we are shy about them.   I know some of these body parts have less-than-idyllic functions and purposes.  We still have them though and they are a part of us.  This need to censor our natural bodies goes to all parts of our culture, especially art.

I have an anus.  I also have testes and a penis.  All my nude models I've photographed (so far) have vaginas and anuses**.  We all have the holes (in one form or another) that Dr. Sylvia mentioned.

In my photography, I captured (both intentionally and inadvertently) all of these bits and pieces, however, have you really seen any of these in the photos I've posted before today?  Nope.  In our "fine art" world, many consider them off limits as elements of acceptable art.  Why do we hide these bits of ourselves that make us human, that makes us male or female?  I am guilty of hiding them by putting them into shadow, covering them, etc.  Why?  Why hide them?

Parts of this argument can get into the porn vs. art debate.  Other arguments may include the crassness and baseness of the subject matter pulls the attention away from the art and makes the appearance of these parts the only noticeable element of the piece.  I can see both points.

I have no societal answers to these complex questions on showing our basic parts.  For myself though, I've am evolving my own aesthetic on when to include or occlude/obscure them.  It needs to come down to my intent of the piece.

I am growing more willing to include these items in my "published" art (my photos that are going to live out in the world, beyond the film negatives and my hard drive).  This applies to anuses, vaginas, genital labia, penises, etc.  For me to include them, they have to:

• be integral to the purpose of the piece
• not overwhelm the piece, unless there is a purpose for it to overwhelm
• be acknowledged and/or approved by the model, knowing that this part is being shown.

I think all parts of human body can be beautiful.  I haven't photographed a nude male yet (other than myself), but find all parts of the male anatomy to have a purpose and role in art as well.

I guess much of this has been hashed out in the porn vs. art debate?   Is my intent of showing these bits for profit and exploitation, or is there an artistic reason behind it.  I am hoping for the latter.

* As much as I've enjoyed the deep metaphysical/cosmological/chronological posts of the past few days, sometimes it is important to explore the basic and close-by things in our lives as well.

** Latin scholars may stipulate that plural form of anus would be ani, but after a google search, it appears anuses is the modern accepted term.

The "big" of it all

Time (featuring Gabbi)* - 090212

I want to focus on the big picture as a conclusion to my series of posts on time.  It is easy to focus on the now, the world within a few feet of me, and the people I can see around me.  Even though I have a well established sense of object permanence, I still tend to disregard the big world around me that I am not immediately interacting with. 

My mind knows that my wife is at a church a few blocks away.  I know that my parents are probably getting in the car for their trip to their church.  I am sure President Obama and Governor Romney are talking about the election to some other people.  Even though I know all this stuff, I am not really thinking about it. 

Right now I am looking out at grassy area on the UC Berkeley Campus, drinking a tea (trying to soothe a sick stomach) and writing this.  A wall is behind me, a number of men are sitting in a random pattern in tables facing away from me.  My whole world can easily be summed up by what I am seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting at this moment.  This sense of "immediate-me" creeps into all my senses, including one of the senses we don't really count as a sense - the sense of time. 

When I was getting my first undergraduate degree**, I took two influential courses in the same quarter, geology and and astronomy.  It was in both of those classes that my concept of size, space, and time were challenged.  I held a rock that was over two billion years old.  I learned I was made of dust from stars long dead.  One night, my astronomy class used a telescope and I became a speck.    We looked at  a very faint, distant object and my professor mentioned that it was a very old star and that I was looking back in time, probably a few billion years.  He then told us that star probably didn't exist anymore and if it had a solar system, all its planets were burnt up and dust.  After looking back in time, I let my eyes adjust to the dark while standing in the cold mountain air and looked at the Milky Way floating above.  I got a glimpse into how long time really is.  The enormity hit me and I had to sit down and felt tears run down my cheeks due to the magnificent grandeur of it all and how damn insignificant I really am.

Someday you will have to say "goodbye" to the sun.
You will bid farewell to the moon, the sky, the clouds, and the stars.
As all things that live, we dim out to a smoking wick, our quiet goodbyes to those things that were  always with us acknowledge we were the grain and they were the beach.
They may not hear our goodbyes, but their existence in our beings need to be recognized and bid proper adieu. 

After that moment, I felt so insignificant in the great sense of time and space.  In the universe, I am less than a grain of sand and in the dimension of time I am less than a atomic flash.   When compared to the extreme greatness of both, there is no microscope powerful enough or time piece precise enough to measure or observe my existence.  This was (and sometimes still is) a pretty depressing realization, until I learned of another truth - the order of it all.

Our universe is spread across time and space.  It isn't haphazard or random.  Invisible forces keep it in order and can help us theorize on what has happened and predict what will happen.  Stars form from the dust of other dead stars.  From that, solar systems form, life my grow on a few planets, then the star dies out, one way or another and it starts over again.  The same is for humans, we are born, we grow up, some of us procreate, and we die.  All I have to do is live in the time I have, try not to harm others, help where I can, enjoy and experience the awe of it all, and die.  In the grand scheme of things, I really don't have much to do.   The weight of the universe is not on my shoulder and I am a tiny piece of lint on its broad shoulders.

* Please click on this to see the big picture.

** I am not bragging about my number of undergrad degrees.  I pissed away my first (psychology) by not getting good enough grades by being lazy.  This laziness cost me the chance to get into grad school and finding a job.  I went back for a second degree and did much better because of the hard lessons learned from my first one.

A diferent time piece

Gabbi (Noon o'clock) - 082212

I saw the first red leaf of fall today, and I was also thinking about change - it's cyclic and reflects nature.

A few days ago Carla mentioned noticing the changes around her in a comment she shared on my last post.  Recently I've felt tick-tock time is losing its meaning to me.  I am losing my ability to feel the seconds go by and know what part of the clock the hands are resting on.

If people have super powers, I have had two.  I can almost always tell where north is.  From that I can usually point toward any direction.    I am sitting in a windowless room right now, and just pointed north and then checked it on my iPhone compass.  I was off by less than 5 degrees.  This doesn't mean I don't get lost.  It just means I usually get un-lost pretty fast. 

Sadly, my second super power, being able to intrinsically tell tick-tock time without looking at a clock and being accurate within 15 minutes is fading fast and is nearly gone.  For many years, I only carried a watch when to-the-minute accuracy was needed.  Now I wear a watch so I know which hour it is in tick-tock time.

I use the term tick-tock time to represent the human-made time measurement system based on seconds, minutes, and hours.  While it is dividing a solar year down into 365 days (not including leap year) with 24 hours in a day, with each hour consisting of 60 minutes, and each minute containing 60 seconds.  That is 525,600 seconds in a year.  I have no mechanism in me to note the passage of a second, minute, or hour anymore.

If we are healthy, our resting heart rate is around 60 beats-per-minute (bpm).  I can't trust my heart to tell time though.  When I sleep, it drops to less than that rate.  If I am excited, it can easily double.  Without having an internal mechanism anymore to tell tick-tock time, where am I getting my cues?  The natural universe provides it.

The earth's daily rotation provides a good basic visual time piece, light or no light.  My next favorite is the 28 day lunar cycle.  I know that if it is a new moon now, it will be a full moon in 14 days.  I am always looking up at the moon, when visible to give me a clue as to it's path.  Here is a link to learn about the phases of the moon. 

For the past few years I've felt the seasonal transitions more and more.  I like some more than others, preferring fall and winter to spring and summer.  I feel each one though.  Every August I can tell when autumn is coming by noticing the lengthening of shadows and the quality of light around me.  I feel the winter solstice by enjoying the long, dark, cold days of winter.  The seasonal changes are one measurement of time I feel deep in me.

Maybe my spirit is trying to tell me something with my loss of ability to internally tell tick-tock time.  It isn't the second that separates present me from past and future me.  It is the changing of the universe around me affected by the cycles we physically go through.  I can't control these cycles.  All I can do is recognize them and make sure I live as much as possible through them. 

 

Life changes (as a verb)

Candace Nirvana - 082012

Time may change me
But you can't trace time 

~ Changes - David Bowie

Life changes so quickly.  It isn't always the change we need to focus on, but the fact it is changing.  I sometimes overlook this important part as my days whiz by me.  I only  look at what is changing (i.e., my waist and hair lines, my bank account balances, the new color on the walls, etc.).  I rarely look at the fact that things are changing, I am changing and what does change mean to me.  I need to ask myself , "Why am I changing?".

For the first time in 21 years, I am sort of a bachelor again.  My wife and I are still together (we just had our anniversary last week), but I also helped her move during that time as well.  We are purposely living apart now.

She is finishing up her PhD in Spanish literature (final revisions) and earned a tenure-track position in Las Vegas at a college down there.  She is going through orientation today and classes start next week.  She was offered this job a month ago, so this change came fast.  Fortunately, we have a home there, so the move was minimal - one car load of books and some additional clothing.

I am really proud of her and am contemplating what this means for us.  We are going to be flying a bit to see each other until I can get a decent job down there.  I also have to figure out what to do with our under-water home in California and all the stuff stored in it.  What about my desire to get an MFA in photography and teaching art and photography while developing a business?  Once again though, I am focusing on what the change is, not on the act of change.

Why are all these big changes coming down?  Many of the changes are due to manifestations of earlier goals.  Some are due to financial limitations and abilities.  A few fall into the change-(or shit-) happens category.  I still need to think  about what the act of changing is doing to me.  Am I control of my change?  If "yes", how much control do I have and how can I control it more?

Maybe I am getting too deep into what my evolving life is doing and I should be content and ride the wave.  That though gives away control.   I think I need to allow myself time to sit on the side and watch the change and see if it is taking me where I need to go and how I can change on my own terms and not just living with the changes.

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream 

~ David Bowie

Photo note - Candace Nirvana delivering a quiet moment.  Sometime powerful stuff can come in subtle messages and moments.

Faded-out jeans

Leila Swan and Hana - 072612

I once had a love
that was as deep as the indigo
in my favorite jeans.

I wore both too often for a time,
The love tore away from me.
The jeans continued fading out with each washing.

I threw out the jeans today - the indigo is gone.
The denim's faded like her love - both faded for them.
Neither were under my control, but they both bled out from my indiscriminate use.


The River - Bruce Springsteen

Institutional bigotry just got personal.

Griffin - 072512

I am pretty torn up over the news that a friend (and a model I've photographed) was fired from being a Boy Scout camp counselor for being gay.   I do not have the full story and have not talked with Griffin about the ordeal, so I wont comment on the specifics of the incident.  His firing (and that 10 of his colleagues quit in protest) though made it into the Sacramento Bee newspaper.  Here is a link to that article. 

Hey Griffin - Good luck in your struggle. 

Back to work...

Candace Nirvana - 022912

I've been really busy lately.  I finished up the first version of my commercial website and will share it here in the next post.  I also started an alternative photography methods course.  We have been playing around with photograms, cyanotypes, and crude toy cameras (Holgas, Dianas, etc.). 

With all of this fun, I resurrected my darkroom and started shooting film and printing again.  I missed the elegant peace of the analog method.  This may sound crazy, but I forgot how much I liked the smell of fix.  That smell gives me a peaceful feeling from all the memories of working in my darkroom. 

I recently worked with Candace Nirvana again.  We shot film and digital.  I still have to develop the film, but here above is a quiet moment from the shoot.  Candace is a gift to work with.

I have two big future posts coming up.  One is for my new website.  The second is in the works - the premier of my freshly completed series Border Moments.