10 years on

Coney Island - 091111

I could reflect on September 11th, 2001 and share what I did that day, what I felt, experienced and lived through.  My memories are old though and can't be trusted to be true.  To be honest, what I did that day, what I felt, experienced and lived through doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.  We all lived through it and have our own stories which probably only have meaning to us.

I could write on how my world changed with two wars, increased security (and fear and paranoia), and the broken political system we live in, but you already know it, just listen to the shouting heads on tv.  We lost the united resolute ethos within a few years so that much is over.  Besides, Bin Laden is dead.

I could commend the bravery of the firefighters, police officers, and soldiers who gave their all on that day and in the wars since, but we already know of their heroism.  They should be honored and anything I say would add nothing to the mountains of sentiment going toward them.

A few years ago I heard a presentation from an eighty-something year old woman. Every year she swims a race from Alcatraz to San Francisco. The race is over a mile long in cool waters with a current pulling the swimmers out into the Pacific. She told us that during the race she flips over and backstrokes to rest and use other muscles. During that time she looks back at where she came from, Alcatraz. She has learned though if she becomes to fixated on it, the current will pull her off course, so she has to continually look around and forward again to keep her bearing. Before she ended her talk she gave me some of the best advice about living.

"It is OK to look back at the past, just don't stare."

On this anniversary, I choose to remain quiet, live my life, try to create something, do yard work, and move on trying to ease the pains in my body, heart, soul, and mind that are distant and recent.  Maybe that is the lesson of all of this for me.  Never forget, but keep moving on. 

Empire State (Building) of Mind

ESB - 090211

I never got to see the twin towers before they came down.  I wonder if I would have been overwhelmed looking up at them.   They seemed so skinny and slight.  Since seeing the Empire State Building from a distance for the first time in 2009 and finally getting to touch it in 2010, I've grown attached to it.

It is a beautiful building.  It is tall, solid, and towers over that part of Manhattan.  It makes me feel small, inconsequential, and forgotten, but protected.  It stands guard over everyone, not recognizing the individual, but the looking over the mass of humanity that built it.

ESB - 090211

Last year a few of us on the group trip had dinner in it before taking the multiple elevators up to the observation deck on a warm summer night.  I was scared to death to be up there, but soon the companionship of my friends and all the other viewers calmed.

I've been through a lot of emotionally powerful moments since that June night in 2010.  They included my heart, my art, my life, my health, my path, and my future.  That building continues to stand and doesn't know I am connected to it, but I know I am connected to it.

ESB - 090211

I can't explain this connection to that building, it touches many areas, but I know when I see it I feel all the glory, goodness, pain, illness, love, creativity, angst, joy that I've swam through since then.   While I lived my life, that building stood silently watching over the city.

I had to touch the building when I visited New York last month.  I felt the buzzing energy in it and all of the year  since rushed through me and I jerked my hand away.  I looked up at it and knew I couldn't go to the top of it again that day.   I was afraid what would happen to me if I did.  Instead I looked at it from my hotel window that night, sighed, and closed my eyes.   I love that building.

ESB - 090211

Pandering for votes

I entered a photo contest sponsored by Photo District News (PDN). I am sharing the link to the portfolio I built for the contest. It says you can vote for your favorite images, but I don't think it helps with the contest results. I would appreciate your feedback and criticism though.

Some of you may recognize yourself in the images. Thanks for helping out and enjoy.


PS- I was in such a hurry I misspelled my own name in creating the URL. Lesson learned about rushing.

Karl's portfolio link

Ides of August Light

Reeds - 081811

The ides of August light turn subtly smokey and yellow crimson.
These first signs of the coming solstice are still warm
yet the darkness of the coming decline into long nights
brings thoughts of my own path down the hill
I will never go up again.

The brilliant moon rises too, marking time
to reap what I sow, to harvest
my bounty
my sins
my pleasures
my toils
my burdens
my rutted field
and place the harvest away for the coming solstice to feed and bleed upon in the dark nights.

The leaves subtly a shade less green, less alive, pushes
thoughts of my own waning lighted candle
growing so soft it has no purpose.

The rustle of the wind in the drying trees
blows through me as well, warm from the hot late summer day
but will grow cold as my heart slows to a nullified quiet, my thoughts fade to grey

and my path ends at an early sunset on a winter's snowy park bench.

“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.”- David Beckam

Valya - 081511

I mentioned in my last post about my trip to New York that I spent an afternoon in Brooklyn.  I got off the train and met up with Valya, a great model I worked with last year while in the city.  As I went to meet her I was worried that the great art we created was a one time deal, but I was excited to see if we could try it again.

We talked a bit and I learned how to use her Canon since I didn't bring my serious equipment and had to borrow her camera.  We then set about the session.  I am not going to talk about the shoot other than Valya was amazing to work with again and always made sure to help me get what I wanted.  She inspired and contributed toward the art we made.

Valya - 081511

During and after the photo shoot, we talked about the work I want to create when I return during my longer visit later this fall.  I am developing a few concepts with her that are exciting and departures from my prior stuff. 

We had lunch after the shoot and I had to catch the subway to get to the airport.  During the trek back to Manhattan I reflected on the photo shoot, the conversation, and the energy. Valya is a top model that makes each shoot important, fun, erotic, and helps create great stuff way beyond what I wanted.

Thanks again Valya!  You are a true artist, muse and great lady.

Valya - 081511

NYC - You can go back, but don't expect to it to have waited for you.

View from my room - 081311

New York changes me every time I go there.  This time was no different.  During the days I had to do my daily job in a northern New Jersey town.  In the evenings I went into the city four times.  Most of the side trips to the city were influenced by my life-changing trip last summer in two ways.  First, I went to a few places I wanted to get to, but didn't get the chance.  Second, I went to see or revisit a few things that brought back happiness, mixed emotions, and taught me a few important life lessons.

Last summer there were three places I wanted to go to, but missed for a variety of reasons. The first was Times Square.  The second was to visit Strand Books in Manhattan.  The third was Brooklyn.

Strand Books - 081311

How can anyone who visits New York miss Times Square?  During my last visit some of my group went to it while I visited  30 Rockefeller Center while walking to the MoMA.  I went under Times Square at least three times on subway trains and transferred to other trains.  Many of my classmates got there and created amazing night images.  It felt like those tv shows where two people keep almost meeting and something interrupts or misguides them away.  I made it there my first night.  Three things about Times Square - lots and lots of giant screens and lights, tons of tourists, and now the great New Years Eve party makes sense to me.  I brought a great tiny point and shoot camera that I hadn't learned all the tricks with so my pictures of it are meh.  I want to go back to it because it has a the same simulacra feel of Las Vegas, which I also love.  I love seeing such effort put up to create a false facade.  Times Square is another great metaphor for life.

Strand Books is the largest physical bookstore I've been in.  I love books, but I am no bibliophile.  This place would be a sacred pilgrimage if I was one.  There is one large floor dedicated just to art books.  The photography section is overwhelming.  The erotic art section is larger than  the local Barnes and Nobles' complete art section.  In that section I bought the Taschen photo book La Petite Mort by Will Santillo.  I couldn't resist after I read the line, "If orgasm is the little death, is masturbation the little suicide?"

Valya - 081311

Brooklyn was a view across the river that I never visited last summer.  We went to Coney Island on the far side of it, but never explored the heart of the borough.  This time I spent part of an excellent and artistically enriching afternoon visiting with a friend.  (The visit with my friend will be covered in my next post.  Look at the photo on the right for a sneak peek.)  I walked around the Jamaican neighborhood for a while.  I couldn't help comparing it to Manhattan and thinking "minutes away, worlds apart".  This residential area doesn't have the glamorous charm of Manhattan.  It is a rougher area with a vibe and feel to it that make it tangible.  The music coming from the windows, the talks on the stoops, and the energy made me want to spend an evening there getting to know this rich neighborhood a little better.  Sadly though, I had to go and try to catch my plane out in Newark and had to leave all too soon.  I will be back.

Dinner Outside - 081311

As mentioned I also visited a few places I had been to before.  First up was B&H Photo on 9th Street.  It is my photography store Mecca.  I've bought four or five cameras there including my newest acquisition, an am/pro HD camcorder.  I want to experiment with moving images and need one before my big trips this fall.  I highly recommend B&H.  They are very helpful, friendly and non-pushy.  They know their stuff too.

After leaving B&H I had to go to the Empire State Building.  I plan a personal post about this icon of New York.  For now though I had to touch it.  I had to make sure that both it and I are still grounded. This beautiful building towers over all its neighbors.  It towers over me and is so significant compared to me.  I will always remember and revere it, but I am sure it is not aware of me or my connection to it.  More on this behemoth of a charged building later.

Times Square - 081311

How did New York change me?  I am still sorting that out.  One thing I learned though is that I've changed greatly since the last time I was there.  In so many areas I've flown high and I have also crashed and burned.  This has been a hell of a year.

In New York, everyone is a small individual in a great big whole.  Every person is their own story, but almost no one notices each other.  They just pass by and let the story move on.  There are an insanely overwhelming number of stories just on one block.  Sometimes they bump into each other for better and for worse, but sadly end up moving away, losing the connection that the city allowed them.  As melancholic as that sounds, I love New York City for its beauty and pain more each time.  Love is a complex beast.  It both builds you and tears you down.  Everyone has the choice to fall in love so I guess the beauty and beast of it all are self-induced pleasures and pains. 

Foreplay... I mean foray in New York

NYC- 080511

I leave Sunday on a work trip to Hoboken, NJ and will be there for most of a week.  I will have to spend most of each day in the NJ office, but my goal is to get into the city at least two nights while there.

This is going to be a scouting trip, or foreplay, for my bigger trip there in late October or early November when I will spend part of my sabbatical soaking in the great city.  I plan to photograph the hell out of it again on that trip.  I hope to meet up with old friends, like Valya and Moon, and make a few new ones as well.  It is going to be good for my art, soul, and happiness.  God, I love that city.

I've written a bit about that city and the big trip I had there last year.  There are beautiful, fun, and exciting memories that still make me smile.  There are a few that hold a special place in my heart that are beautiful, painful, and important to me.  No other city has had this effect on me.

Next week's trip is going to be just a tease for me.  One goal is to finally visit Times Square.  I know it is cliche to go there, but I have to see it at least once in my life.  I traveled under it numerous times last year getting to other subway stations, but never went up to see it.

I will bring a small point-n-shoot digital to capture ideas for the big trip.  I love a little tease before the big event.